A Parent's Guide: Helping Your Child Overcome Back-to-School Anxiety

By Melody Wright, LMFT

Do you remember how it felt when you started a new school year? The excitement and nervousness, or maybe even anxiety as you wondered about the new uncharted territory, hoping to make new friends, impress your teachers, and navigate the challenges of being a year older. As this school year started, maybe you’ve had some of those memories resurface as you witness your own child experiencing those same emotions. 

Back-to-school anxiety is perfectly normal, and as a parent, you have the power to be your child’s anchor, guiding them through the feelings of uncertainty with love, understanding, and support. In this blog, we will discuss strategies to support your child through their emotions and foster a positive mindset for the rest of the school year.

Identifying Signs of Back-to-School Anxiety

Back-to-school anxiety is common among students. However, recognizing the signs of anxiety in children is crucial for providing timely support and understanding. Common signs of this type of anxiety can show itself in physical symptoms such as headaches, and stomachaches, or they might say they don’t feel well, especially when school-related discussions come up.  

You might also notice behavioral changes such as increased clinginess, crying, or restlessness. Mood swings, irritability, and changes in sleep patterns can also be a sign that your child is experiencing some anxiety. However, some children may exhibit avoidance behaviors, such as resisting going to school or expressing a strong desire to stay home. Academic performance may also be affected. Your child might have their grades decline or they might become obsessively worried about their school work. 

Therapist Tip: Being attentive to these signals you can provide the necessary support and reassurance to help children cope with their emotions and navigate the back-to-school transition. 

Strategies for Supporting Your Child

1. Establish a Consistent Routine - For those with anxiety, knowing what comes next can provide a sense of stability and predictability. Create space for consistent meal times, study times, and family times. Your child might also need support with creating a routine around hygiene and self-care as well.
   

2. Encourage Expressive Arts & Journaling - Some kids have a difficult time finding the words to use to express how they are feeling. Expressive arts is a great way to release the emotions being felt through music or creating art. Journaling is a supportive tool for those who do not feel like speaking to someone about what they are feeling. Journaling provides a safe space to be fully vulnerable.
   

3. Foster a Growth Mindset - Encourage a growth mindset in your child by emphasizing the importance of learning, growth, and perseverance. Remind them that mistakes are opportunities to learn and grow and that it's okay not to have all the answers right away. This mindset shift can reduce the fear of failure and increase your child's resilience in the face of challenges.
   

4. Introduce Grounding Techniques -Teaching your child grounding techniques can support their emotional regulation for the rest of their life. Practice deep breathing, and meditation, and consider a grounding object that they can carry with them in their pocket to school.
   

5. Collaborate with a Therapist - Open communication is essential for supporting your child through their struggle, however, that doesn’t always come easy. Meeting regularly with a therapist will allow your child to engage in consistent opportunities to be vulnerable in an unbiased, non-judgmental space. 

Final Thoughts 

Supporting your child through their back-to-school anxiety requires patience, understanding, and empathy. By creating a nurturing environment at home and implementing some of the techniques above you can support your child in navigating these unknown territories. Remember that every child’s journey is unique to them, so approach this process with love, support, and flexibility. 

Also, we want to acknowledge that this is challenging and complex for parents as well. Give yourself an empathetic and non-judgmental space as you journey through this side of parenting. If you are needing support as a parent or if your child is needing support, connect with our team. We have qualified therapists who are equipped with the tools you need to move forward on this journey. CLICK HERE to schedule your free phone consultation today. 

Additional Resources 

If you would like additional tools for supporting your child and yourself as a parent, check out the resources below.

1. The Power of Showing Up: How Parental Presence Shapes Who Our Kids Become and How Their Brains Get Wired by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson

2. Beyond Behaviors: Using Brain Science and Compassion to Understand and Solve Children's Behavioral Challenges by Mona Delahooke 

3. How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish 

4. Anxious Kids, Anxious Parents: 7 Ways to Stop the Worry Cycle and Raise Courageous and Independent Children by Reid Wilson and Lynn Lyons

5. The 5 Love Languages of Children: The Secret to Loving Children Effectively by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell

6. Parenting with Love and Logic: Teaching Children Responsibility by Foster Cline and Jim Fay

7. Raising Good Humans: A Mindful Guide to Breaking the Cycle of Reactive Parenting and Raising Kind, Confident Kids by Hunter Clarke-Fields MSAE

8. Raising Critical Thinkers: A Parent's Guide to Growing Wise Kids in the Digital Age by Julie Bogart

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Surviving Burnout: Tips for Thriving in a Fast-Paced World

By Melody Wright, LMFT

Have you ever been at a point in your life where you feel like you are empty, lacking motivation, and mentally exhausted? More than likely you are experiencing burnout. Unfortunately, life keeps pushing forward, and it becomes difficult to pour from an empty cup. This can become very overwhelming for many. You might desire a break to be filled again, but if you lack the opportunity for that break, what can you do to fill your cup again? In this blog, we will provide you with the tools to refresh even when you don’t have the opportunity to truly slow down. 

What is Burnout? 

Burnout is a feeling where your mental and emotional state is depleted and it becomes exhausting to even perform basic day-to-day tasks. The feeling of burnout can be caused by many things such as your job, home life, financial hardships, personal problems, or a combination of these. It can have a significant impact on your daily life, leading to feelings of frustration, irritability, and disengagement from work or personal relationships. It's incredibly common to feel overwhelmed and depleted especially when you’re constantly putting others before yourself.

What Can You Do To Support Yourself? 

If you're experiencing burnout, you must recognize the symptoms and take steps to prevent it from negatively impacting your daily life. Here are some practical strategies to help you cope with burnout:

1. Take Time For Yourself: It's essential to prioritize self-care and take time for yourself. This can include engaging in activities that you enjoy, such as reading, taking a bath, or going for a walk. Make sure to set aside time each day for self-care, even if it's just 10 minutes.

2. Practice Mindfulness: Mindfulness is the practice of being present in the moment and focusing on your thoughts, feelings, and sensations throughout your body. Practicing mindfulness can help you reduce stress, improve your mood, and increase your overall well-being. There are many mindfulness practices, including meditation, deep breathing, and yoga.

3. Set Boundaries: This is a BIG one! It’s okay to say “no”. It's important to set boundaries in your personal and professional life to prevent burnout. This can include saying no to extra work or social engagements you don't have the time or energy for or setting limits on how much time you spend on certain activities.

4. Get Enough Sleep: Getting enough sleep is important for optimal health in general, but prioritizing sleep can help your brain reset allowing clarity for the following day. You can do this by establishing a regular sleep routine, avoiding caffeine before bedtime, and creating a relaxing sleep environment.

5. Engage In Physical Activity: Regular physical activity can help reduce stress, and improve your mood. Even just a 10-minute walk can have significant benefits.

6. Seek Support: If you're feeling burnt out, it's important to seek support from friends, family, and even a therapist. Talking about your feelings with someone you trust can help you feel less isolated and more supported.

We understand that burnout can have a significant impact on your daily life, but there are practical strategies that you can use to cope with it. By prioritizing yourself you can prevent burnout from negatively impacting your well-being. If you are needing support with moving forward out of your burnout state, consider reaching out to one of our therapists here at Life By Design Therapy. In conclusion, we want you to know that you are not alone and we are here to be a resource and support in your journey. We also have additional resources throughout our website such as links to mediation videos, a free downloadable eBook, and blogs that target more specific areas you might need support with. 

From Panic to Peace: Effective Ways to Alleviate Anxiety When You're Feeling Overwhelmed

By Melody Wright, LMFT

Amidst the hustle and bustle of the holiday season, many of us may be feeling overwhelmed with any remaining upcoming events as we head into the new year. Our overwhelming feelings, if left unattended, can turn into anxious thoughts and concerns that we will not have enough time to do all the tasks we said we would do (making a dish for the New Year Party at work, cleaning the house, making final plans for your business, etc.). If any of these worries resonate with you, we’d like to offer you some tips to help reduce your anxiety when you’re feeling overwhelmed.

1. Write it down. When we’re overwhelmed, our thoughts can feel like they are going in circles in our head, which creates more feelings of stress and anxiety. If you are worried about something, or numerous things, write it down. Make a list of the things that are currently bothering you and prioritize what things you’d like to address first. You may also find things on your list that you can’t do much about. When this happens, give your mind permission to let those things go. Creating a list and prioritizing what you will do will help you feel a sense of control, which can help reduce the feeling of overwhelm.

2. Schedule a time to worry. If your thoughts come and go throughout the day and distract you from your current tasks, schedule a time to worry. You may notice that by the time you get to your scheduled “worry time” your worries may have improved. 

3. Be mindful of your caffeine and alcohol intake. Both caffeine and alcohol can give you the energy or mood boost you need to get through an upcoming event, but they can also impact your anxiety levels. If you’re able to cut down on the amount of caffeine or alcohol that you consume, it may improve how you feel and decrease your anxiety levels. 

4. Practice grounding exercises. Whether you prefer deep breathing or guided imagery, implementing a grounding exercise in the middle of feeling overwhelmed can help bring you back to a focused, calm state. This is especially true if you are about to head into a busy shopping mall or chaotic family gathering – grounding yourself before these events can help you walk in with a calm demeanor and zen state of mind. 

5. Identify your triggers.You may notice that you consistently feel anxious or overwhelmed when you see certain people or places (ie. a family member or the doctor’s office). See if you’re able to identify who or what situations make you anxious. Consider if there is anything you can do about these triggers (limit time with a family member, have someone with you when you go to the doctor’s office, etc.)

6. Spend time with and in your community. Spending time with your friends can help you feel supported and improve your mood. Volunteering in your community can also help give you a sense of belonging.

7. Talk to someone you trust. Whether you choose to talk to a friend or your significant other, talking to someone you trust about your feelings may help ease your mental load. Talking to others can help give you a different perspective on what’s currently troubling you. They may even offer to help with some of the things on your to-do list.

8. Take a walk. Getting outside and moving your body helps release endorphins, which trigger positive feelings in your body. 

9. Make time for rest. The average person needs about 7 hours of sleep a night to properly rest. Take a moment to see if you’re getting enough rest. If not, your lack of sleep may be contributing to your current feelings.

10. Redirect your focus. If practicing grounding exercises is not for you, doing other activities when feeling anxious may help you interrupt your anxious thoughts. Completing a household chore, watering your plants, or getting out to mail out a letter can help redirect your focus and get an item checked off your to-do list. 

We hope these tips can help calm your mind and provide an opportunity to regulate any physical symptoms you may be experiencing as a result of anxiety. 

If you’d like to learn more about anxiety, feel free to check out our previous blog posts where we discuss anxiety, anxious responses, and offer other strategies to address anxious thoughts. For additional support, click here to connect to one of our experienced therapists. 

The Fine Line: Distinguishing between Anxiety and Trauma

By Melody Wright, LMFT

When talking about mental health with others, you might notice that some of the signs and symptoms of Anxiety and Trauma may sound very familiar despite stemming from different events or diagnoses. For individuals wanting to learn more about their own mental health, or experiencing symptoms that may be related to anxiety or trauma, it can be very helpful to understand where their current symptoms stem from. This can help us seek and identify resources that will help us address our symptoms, as well as learn new ways to regulate ourselves when we feel overwhelmed or on edge. 

What is Trauma?

The American Psychological Association defines trauma as an “emotional response to a terrible event” such as abuse, community violence, or experiencing significant injury or loss. The symptoms we exhibit after experiencing trauma are directly related to events that happened in our past that did not make us feel safe or put us directly in the middle of unsafe situations. Some of the symptoms that people exhibit after experiencing trauma can include fatigue, feeling sad, and hopeless, experiencing mood swings, and withdrawing from others. Some symptoms can be more severe and can have long-term impacts on an individual, including experiencing consistent flashbacks to a traumatic event, developing panic attacks, sleep problems, or anxiety (also known as Generalized Anxiety Disorder). 

What is Anxiety?

Anxiety can be described as consistent and intense worrying over everyday situations, usually situations that have not yet happened yet. Anxiety sends a message to our brain that we need to do more to prepare for a possible, or upcoming, future event. Some of the physical symptoms that someone can experience when feeling anxious include a fast heart rate, sweating, and rapid breathing. While the causes of anxiety can vary, many people experience anxiety as a result of going through traumatic childhoods or events.

 What Do Anxious Behaviors Look Like?

While anxious behaviors can serve a purpose when they function as part of our body’s defense mechanisms (fight, flight, freeze, etc.), they can create an issue when they occur consistently and at the wrong times. Anxious behaviors can include the following:

• Ongoing feelings of nervousness, restlessness, or feeling “on-edge”

• Feeling irritable

• Experiencing headaches, stomach pains, or other unexplained pains

• Difficulty concentrating or falling/staying asleep

What Do Trauma Responses Look Like?

Traumatic responses are your body’s reaction to trauma. They can include the following:

• Inability to focus or make decisions

• The need to feel guarded or alert at all times

• Flashbacks or constant thoughts of a previous traumatic event

• Being easily startled in settings or situations that do not require you to be on high alert

As you can see from the descriptions and symptoms above, traumatic responses and anxious behaviors can feel similar in the body. The difference between a trauma response and an anxious behavior is where the symptoms are stemming from. Are the symptoms stemming from past events that your body identified as traumatic? Or are they stemming from concerns about future events or events that have not yet taken place (anxiety)? It is also important to know that trauma and anxiety may be connected for some individuals; One can develop anxious behaviors after experiencing traumatic events. 

What Can I Do?

Whether you experience anxious behaviors or trauma responses, it can feel overwhelming to see the impact they can create in our bodies. Know that you are not alone in feeling this way; 1 in 5 people experience anxiety in their lifetime, and 50-60% of people experience at least 1 traumatic event in their lives. Steps toward healing the body can be taken by learning how to regulate ourselves when we start to feel nervous, anxious, fearful, or on edge.

If you find yourself needing support to learn new skills to help you regulate, help address past trauma, or you’re interested in learning more strategies to combat your anxious thoughts, we encourage you to book a phone consultation today at Life by Design. Life by Design offers therapeutic services with qualified professionals that can give you the tools you need to help address your traumatic responses and anxious behaviors. Book a phone consultation here today for more information and to get you connected to additional support. 

Finding Peace in the Aging Process: Strategies for Coping with Anxiety About Growing Older

By Melody Wright, LMFT

As we begin to enter new ages and phases in our life, it can sometimes be difficult to accept that we are getting older. Whether it’s a fear of physically looking older, a concern about not being where you want to be in life, or feeling anxious about what the future holds, the concepts related to getting older sometimes have a negative connotation. If you’re feeling anxious or concerned about aging, below are some things to consider that may help you cope with your concerns and anxiety. 

We’re All Getting Older

You are not the first person to age, and you will not be the last. Sometimes, getting older creates feelings of loneliness or feeling as though we haven’t achieved what we wanted to at this age. Normalizing that others around us are also getting older, and surrounding yourself with a solid support network of friends and loved ones can help reduce your feelings of loneliness or inadequacy. It’s also important to note that age does not dictate where we need to be in life, and that success can mean different things and look different ways to different people. 

Age Does Not Have To Stop Us

Sometimes, the fear associated with getting older is related to feeling worried that we won’t be able to do the things we used to be able to do. Getting older does not automatically equate to a decline in your health, or an inability to try new things. If any of these thoughts concern you, consider the following – Are there any habits you can pick up today that can help create a healthier lifestyle for you? Picking up a new habit that positively impacts your health can help increase your optimism about your future. This is also a gentle reminder that getting older does not make you incapable of trying new things, or prevent you from thriving in a new environment.

Choosing To “Age Well”

As we age, there are things that will be outside of our control. While we cannot control some of the things related to the aging process, we CAN control how we choose to spend our time, who we choose to spend it with, and the activities we choose to spend our time on. One of the benefits of getting older is having the wisdom and agency to choose activities, people, and spaces that make you feel safe and create joy. Making the choice to spend your time doing things you love with people you care about can help you have a positive outlook on aging. 

While we hope that the tips above helped address some of your anxieties around aging, we acknowledge that it may not be sufficient. This is especially true if you feel that your concerns regarding aging are interfering with your daily life. If you find yourself needing support or additional coping strategies, we encourage you to book a phone consultation today at Life by Design. Life by Design offers therapeutic services with qualified professionals that can give you the tools you need to help address your current concerns.  

From Mind to Body: Understanding How Stress Impacts Your Physical Well-being

By Melody Wright, LMFT

“I’m feeling really stressed right now, but I can handle it for a while longer, right?” Well, maybe, but we’re not sure that is a great idea. While we all experience different levels of stress throughout our lifespan, constant exposure to stress can have long-term effects on our bodies. Some individuals may be able to tolerate high stress levels for extended periods of time, but ultimately these levels of stress will begin to take their toll. While we understand that reducing stress or getting rid of certain stressors may be easier said than done, you may want to consider reevaluating your current stress levels after learning more about the long-term impact. 

The long-term effects of stress can affect different areas of our body, including our mind and emotions. Below are some of the signs and symptoms of high stress levels broken down by the areas of the body they usually affect:

Cognitive (Mind):

• Racing mind/thoughts

• Difficulty being still

• Forgetting things or feeling disorganized

• Unable to focus

• Avoiding responsibilities or procrastinating

Emotional:

• Being/feeling irrational

• Becoming frustrated or agitated easily

• Lashing out at friends and loved ones

• Feeling lonely or worthless

Physical: 

• Changes in appetite or eating habits

• Compromised immune system that leads to getting ill more often

• Constantly feeling tense (ie. muscle tension or clenched jaw)

• Gastrointestinal issues (ie. irregular bowel movements or stomach pain)

• Headaches or migraines

• Lack of sleep

• Developing chronic conditions such as heart disease or high blood pressure

If you find yourself currently experiencing some of the symptoms above, it’s not too late to address your stress levels and their subsequent effects. While not all effects are reversible, such as developing high blood pressure, addressing your stress at any age can improve your health and overall quality of life. You can start off small by adding some stress-relieving activities into your day, such as taking a 15 minute walk every evening before settling into your bedtime routine. If you’ve noticed yourself feeling drained after seeing certain friends or family, you may want to consider seeing them less often or setting up boundaries around how often you interact with them.

As mentioned before, we acknowledge that it may not be easy to completely get rid of some stressors, but you can help mitigate their effects. If your job is a constant source of stress, but you are the sole-breadwinner within your household, it can feel like you have no other option but to continue with your current routine. If you find it difficult to think of ways to help address your stress, we encourage you to consider talking to a therapist that will help you look at different options to incorporate some stress-relieving activities into your routine. For more information, click here to help schedule a consultation.

Addressing Anxiety: Practical Steps to Manage Anxiety at Home

By Melody Wright, LMFT

Do you know that approximately 18% of the American population experiences anxiety-related disorders, but only about 37% of the population will access treatment? Recent world events have also created higher levels of anxiety, and accessing treatment outside of the home may pose some challenges depending on your region’s Covid restrictions. Addressing anxiety-related symptoms can look differently depending on the individual. For those that may be experiencing barriers accessing resources for anxiety, there are tools that can be learned to help relieve anxiety from the comfort of your own home. Some of the tools involve techniques related to the physical body, such as icing your vagus nerve, as changes in the physical body can create changes in our mental and emotional wellbeing.  

What is a Vagus nerve?

 The vagus nerve is the main nerve of your parasympathetic nervous system. The parasympathetic nervous system controls body functions such as your heart rate, respiratory rate, digestion, and immune system. When activated, the vagus nerve will send a signal to the parasympathetic nervous system to relax. This will then slow down your heart and respiratory rates. 

How do I “ice” my Vagus nerve?

There are many ways to activate your vagus nerve. You can “ice” your vagus nerve by holding a zip lock bag full of ice cubes on your face, or dipping your face in a bowl with cold water. You can also hold a bag of ice on your chest and lay down for 10 to 15 minutes. Another way to activate your vagus nerve without “icing” it is to practice slow deep breaths.

 Why does icing my Vagus nerve relieve anxiety?

Anxiety will usually trigger the fight or flight response, which will increase our heart rate and speed up our breathing. According to experts, cold temperatures can activate your vagus nerve, which will send signals to your parasympathetic system to relax. These signals will help you slow your heart rate, and as a result your breathing, which counteracts the signals that your body sends to “fight or fly” when experiencing anxiety. 

What else can I do at home to relieve my anxiety?

While icing your vagus nerve can be a great way to reduce your anxiety in the moment, we know this may not always be a practical option for our readers to tap into. If you don’t have a bag of ice readily available, or prefer to alternate between strategies, here are some other tools you can use to reduce your anxiety:

• Shift your focus: Distracting your mind can be a great way to pull yourself out of anxious thoughts and get back to the present moment. You can do this by using the 5-4-3-2-1 method. Find and name 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste. 

• Peel an orange: Certain scents, such as citrus and lavender, can have calming effects on the body. Peeling an orange can help introduce a calming scent to your current environment. 

• Practice Box Breathing: As mentioned before, deep breathing can help activate your vagus nerve. If you’re not familiar with any breathing exercise, try box breathing. To practice box breathing, you inhale for a count of 4, hold your breath for a count of 4, exhale for a count of 4, and hold your breath out for a count of 4. Repeat as necessary until you feel a sense of calm. 

These tips and strategies may help temporarily ease anxiety for some of our readers, but they may not adequately address ongoing anxiety and its related symptoms. Engaging in therapeutic services with a mental health professional may be more appropriate for anyone facing challenges with their current coping mechanisms, or individuals that have been experiencing anxiety for a long period of time. If you find yourself needing new strategies to help you address your anxiety levels, we encourage you to book a phone consultation today at Life by Design. Our telehealth services can be a great resource for anyone experiencing barriers with accessing services outside of their home. 

The Foggy Mind and Anxious Thoughts: Exploring How Anxiety Impacts Brain Fog

By Melody Wright, LMFT

As a result of the Covid pandemic, and its impact on our day-to-day lives, many of us have been experiencing increased levels of stress over the last couple of years. These heightened stress levels may have impacted or exacerbated areas of our lives related to our physical and mental health. For individuals that experience anxiety, high levels of stress can make anxiety levels worse. This increase in stress and overall levels of anxiety can affect our ability to focus, or create “brain fog.”

What is Brain Fog?

 “Brain Fog” is a term used to describe a lack of mental clarity, the inability to focus, feeling confused, or simply feeling “scatter-brained.” Brain fog can make it difficult to complete tasks that you previously may not have had any issues completing. It can also present itself as forgetfulness, or being easily distracted. Other characteristics of brain fog can include feeling fatigued, or having a hard time organizing thoughts or activities. 

Why does my brain feel foggy when I am anxious?

Anxiety taps into our mental capacity. If a person is experiencing an increase in anxious thoughts and taps into their mental resources at a higher rate than usual, this can have an impact  on their overall thought process. A high impact on a person’s thought process is what can create feelings of brain fog. The stressors, anxiety levels, and mental resources can vary from person to person, and so can their resulting levels of brain fog. 

How can I “clear out” my brain fog?

Since brain fog can be directly related to anxiety, it is important to address the “root cause” of the brain fog. Treatment for anxiety is not a “one size fits all” – different individuals have different needs and it’s important to explore options in order to see what works best for you. With that said, below are some options to help address the brain fog that comes as a result of anxious thoughts:

• Incorporate mindfulness practices into your day. This can include taking a walk when you feel overwhelmed with work, or playing nature sounds on your phone when you’re doing an activity that is causing you stress. 

• Keep a notebook or planner handy in order to write down to-do items. This can help address the sense of forgetfulness that you may experience as a result of brain fog. 

• Whenever possible, reassess your current timelines or activities with time constraints and ask for extensions or accommodations. Whether it’s asking for an extension on a report, or requesting an accommodation for a longer test-taking period, making adjustments to activities that cause high levels of stress can help alleviate stress and reduce anxiety levels. These activities also require a higher level of focus, so an extended timeline can help give you that extra time you need to think. 

• Book an appointment with a therapist. If you’re having some trouble implementing strategies to help your anxiety and resulting brain fog, you can always tap into outside support. A therapist can help you implement coping mechanisms that may be a better fit for you and your day-to-day routine and responsibilities. 

While the tips above may be helpful to some of our readers, we encourage you to tweak them and make them your own so they can best support you and your current lifestyle. If you find yourself needing additional support, but have not taken steps to find and see a therapist, we encourage you to book a phone consultation today at Life by Design. Life by Design offers therapeutic services with qualified professionals that can give you the tools you need to help address anxiety and brain fog. Book a phone consultation today to get you connected to additional support. 

Empowering the Mind: Incorporating Affirmations to Combat Anxious Thinking

by Melody Wright, LMFT

Anxious thoughts or worries can be caused by stress and anxiety. You may have noticed that current world events, as well as the ongoing pandemic, may have impacted or increased the amount of anxious thoughts you’re experiencing. If you’re finding that your anxious thoughts are becoming overwhelming, using coping mechanisms such as affirmations can help you ease your anxious thoughts. 

Affirmations can be described as positive statements that can help you challenge and address anxious, or worrying, thoughts. Affirmations are usually short statements that are meant to help you feel in control of your thoughts and emotions. When practiced enough, they can help us make positive changes and stop our anxious thoughts from escalating or becoming overwhelming. If you’re ready to create some affirmations for yourself, you can reference the tips below while you put them together:

• Make your affirmations short, sweet, and to the point. This will help make your affirmations easy to remember and easy to use whenever you need them. 

• Make affirmations relevant to you and your desired actions. The things that make you anxious can be very different than what makes someone else worry. Tailoring your affirmations to address the things that make you anxious, or help you refocus, will help them be more effective for you. 

• Make affirmations meaningful. Affirmations are meant to create a positive mindframe for you, and help you move away from anxious thoughts. The more meaningful the affirmation, the better mindset you can achieve from reciting it. 

If you’re having trouble coming up with some affirmations, here’s some sample ones to get you started:

• “This is only a thought, and I can change this thought”

• “I have been through this before, and trust I can get through this again”

• “I will take a step back and breathe, and return to this feeling relaxed and calmer”

• “I am enough and I am doing enough.”

• “I am open to new opportunities”

• “I am happy and grateful for my current health”

Notice that these affirmations can vary in purpose and address different types of thoughts. Affirmations can address negative thoughts directly (“This is only a thought, and I can change this thought”), or they can focus on specific feelings that may usually trigger worries or negative thoughts (“I am enough and I am doing enough.”) If you notice that specific feelings trigger your anxious thoughts, such as not feeling worthy or being concerned about not doing enough, you can create affirmations that help remind you that you are worthy and that you are doing your best, which is more than enough. As you create these affirmations, we encourage you to be gentle with yourself and remember to give yourself grace, and integrate that grace and care within your affirmations. 

While we understand that not all of these affirmations may be applicable to you, we encourage you to find and create affirmations that feel right for you and your current situation. If you find yourself needing some support with creating affirmations, or you’re interested in learning more strategies to combat your anxious thoughts, we encourage you to book a phone consultation today at Life by Design.

Life by Design offers therapeutic services with qualified professionals that can give you the tools you need to help address your worries and anxious thoughts. Book a phone consultation today for more information and get you connected to additional support. 

Reclaiming Balance: Tools and Techniques to Conquer Overwhelming Moments

by Melody Wright, LMFT

2021 has presented us with many challenges at an individual, national, and global level. These challenges have created higher levels of stress in us and those around us. Many people have reported feeling high levels of stress due to being affected by COVID, being impacted by the racial and political tension within our country, and being exposed to higher rates of crime. These stressors may have also led to feelings of fear, frustration, anger, and overall feeling inundated by what is going on in the world around us. No matter what challenges or stressors you’ve faced this last year, we want to reassure you that it is okay not to be okay. 

As you look back at the events that took place over this last year, it is important to notice how these events have impacted your physical, emotional, and mental health. When we give ourselves permission to acknowledge that we are not okay or that something does not feel right, we can start the journey of healing by identifying the parts in us that need some extra care and attention. You may also find comfort in knowing that there are many others at this moment that are feeling the same way you are. It may also help you to know that there are strategies to help you cope when you are feeling overstressed or overwhelmed. 

At this point in time, you may be feeling like things are not going the way you hoped they would or that they are not getting better as fast as you’d hoped. That’s okay.

While it may not feel like things are going well for you right now, there are strategies you can implement today to help you feel a little less overwhelmed and more hopeful about current events: 

• Eat, sleep, repeat. This sounds easy in theory, but many people sacrifice sleep and regular meals when they feel stressed or overwhelmed. Ironically, not eating or sleeping well will contribute to higher stress levels or irritability. Getting enough sleep and eating well will help you with your focus and overall mood. 

• Pick-up or restart your old hobbies. It is important to make time for activities that create moments of fun and relaxation. If it’s been a while since your last nature hike, or have been meaning to read a new book, adding just a few minutes to your day for a hobby can help give you some much needed me-time for things that make you happy. 

• Create a to-do list. If you’re feeling overwhelmed with tasks and work well with visual reminders, putting together a to-do list may help you organize your thoughts. You may find yourself feeling a bit more at ease once you can visualize all the things that need to be done. The physical act of getting the thoughts out of your mind and onto paper may also provide a sense of relief. Bonus points to you if you list items in order of priority so you can clearly identify what needs to get done first. 

• Tidy up. The last thing you want to do sometimes is add another item to your to-do list. With that said, cleaning can help give you a break from your overwhelming thoughts AND help you declutter your physical space. The decluttering of your physical space can help you feel mentally decluttered as well. 

Whether you’re going through a difficult time in your life or are feeling emotionally exhausted due to this year’s events, know that you are among many who are experiencing and feeling the same things you are. You may not be okay right now, but you will be. Being able to feel okay again sometimes means tapping into your support system. Your support system can help give you an outside perspective or coping strategies based on your current life circumstances. Remember that a therapist can be part of that much-needed support system.

For more information, reach out to us on getting connected to a member of our team.

Navigating COVID: 5 Tips to Reduce Stress During the Pandemic

by Melody Wright, LMFT

Now that the one-year anniversary of the COVID-19 lockdown has come and gone, many of us are reflecting on the ways our lives have changed as a result of the pandemic. Some of those changes may be positive, such as spending more time on hobbies while we're at home. However, many of them may be the result of pandemic-related stress that we're still navigating, more than 365 days later. Our children's schools may not have reopened, so we may still be watching them, or we may still be adjusting to working from home.

And, with the vaccine becoming more widely available, many of us are facing renewed anxiety around COVID-19. There are dozens of questions on our minds: when will we be able to get vaccinated? When will we be able to stop wearing a mask? Will we be able to go on our summer vacation? In other words, just because there is hope on the horizon does not mean that pandemic-related stress is going to disappear overnight. We still need to develop healthy ways to cope with the aftermath of the COVID-19 pandemic.

These five essential tips will help you navigate pandemic-related stress in a proactive way. Strengthening your coping skills will not only serve you during the pandemic, but it will continue to improve your stress management in your everyday life.

1. Take a break from the news.

As critical as it is to stay informed, you should limit the amount of time you spend consuming news about the pandemic. Information about social distancing and vaccine scheduling matters, but it can also be incredibly disheartening when it is all we are hearing about. It's important to take time away from the news to engage in conversation about ordinary life: people we know, things we enjoy, and all the things we would talk about under "normal" circumstances! ("News" includes social media, too.)

2. Connect with loved ones.

Many of us have been isolated for some time due to the coronavirus pandemic, leaving us feeling down in the dumps. Maintaining strong social connections is essential to our mental health. Luckily, thanks to modern technology, we can still connect with friends and family from a safe distance. Scheduling virtual lunch or dinner dates, or simply picking up the phone to call a friend, can make a huge difference in helping you feel less lonely during the pandemic.

3. Follow your daily routine.

When working from home, or otherwise experiencing interruptions in your daily routine, it's easy to start the day off on the wrong foot. It may be tempting to wear pajamas to work all day (who would ever know?) or order takeout every day for dinner instead of cooking. However, keeping up with as much of your regular routine as possible can help you restore some sense of normalcy to your life. You can't control when the country reopens, but you can decide to get dressed in the morning as if you were going to the office or to meal plan the same way you would if the kids were going to school.

4. Incorporate light physical activity.

Exercise releases endorphins that boost our mood and relieve stress. The thought of going to the gym or for an hour-long run during a global pandemic may feel overwhelming, but exercise doesn't have to be structured. Your daily "workout" might include walking the dog, jumping on the trampoline with your kids, or even cleaning the house. Even simply standing up every 30 minutes while working from home can benefit your health. The key is to find easy activities you love to do that don't feel like work! 

5. Speak to your employer.

Lots of workers, especially healthcare workers and essential workers, are feeling the effects of pandemic-related stress in the office, and many employers have set up infrastructures to help employees cope. If working from home with kids or working long shifts in an essential workplace is becoming overwhelming, speak to your employer to see if there are wellness supports in place to help make things easier. You might even be able to move your shifts around or get more flexibility with time off to take care of the kids and other responsibilities at home, alleviating some of the stress of the pandemic.

Understanding and Unlocking The Potential of Your Window of Tolerance

By Melody Wright, LMFT

Do you ever notice yourself feeling stressed out, out of control or on edge? Or, the opposite: do you find yourself feeling zoned out, numb or shut down? These states of hyper- and hypo-arousal suggest that you're operating outside of your window of tolerance, a term used in therapy to describe the state when you're at your best and most able to cope with any challenges thrown your way. Check out the Window of Tolerance diagram below to see how various trauma responses, emotional states, and physical symptoms show up in the window of tolerance.

what is the window of tolerance

The window of tolerance is a widely used term in somatic therapy, which highlights the importance of staying within an optimal range of arousal to regulate our nervous system and our emotions. This window of tolerance represents the range of arousal or emotion a person can tolerate without becoming dysregulated. When a person is outside of this window, they may feel overwhelmed, out of control, or even triggered by certain experiences.

Staying within your window of tolerance is essential for operating at an optimal, rational level of functioning where you can remain regulated, present, calm and in each moment. With the help of somatic therapy, you can learn to recognize when you are outside of your window of tolerance and use various body-based tools and techniques to regulate their body and mind to return to a balanced state.

what shapes our window of tolerance

The window of tolerance can be shaped by several factors, including a person's life experiences, unresolved trauma, and the ability to utilize self-regulation skills. Life experiences that may be traumatic or emotionally dysregulating can cause a person to feel overwhelmed and outside their window of tolerance. Unresolved trauma can also cause a person to become stuck in a hyper-aroused or hypo-aroused state. Lastly, the ability to utilize self-regulation skills, such as deep breathing, mindfulness, and journaling, can help a person stay in the window of tolerance and maintain emotional regulation during times of high stress.

what happens when our Window of Tolerance shrinks

When you feel safe and supported, you are most likely to be able to cope with events that threaten to push you outside your window of tolerance. But when a stressful or traumatic event occurs, your window of tolerance may narrow or shrink. The narrower your window of tolerance, the more intense and difficult it may be to manage your emotions and moments of stress. As a result, you may react to minor stressors with a disproportionate response of hyper- or hypo-arousal. 

Traumatic events impact our ability to self-soothe and self-regulate. In other words, we are no longer able to comfort ourselves and reign in our emotions the way we are able to when we are within our window of tolerance. Trauma also changes our thoughts and beliefs, creating a new way of thinking and feeling that perpetuates the cycle of hyper- or hypo-arousal.

People who frequently operate outside their window of tolerance may be more likely to experience symptoms of depression (a state of extreme hypo-arousal) or anxiety (a state of extreme hyper-arousal). Someone who is often in a state of hyper-arousal due to a traumatic incident may develop post-traumatic stress disorder, or PTSD, leading them to experience flashbacks, nightmares, panic attacks, derealization and depersonalization. 

If you’re interested in some of our favorite body-based tools to regulate, Check Out This Link Here.

How to Manage Your Window of Tolerance

A trained somatic therapist can support you by beginning to identify your specific patterns of hyper- or hypo-arousal and can guide you through body-based techniques that can help you move from a more aroused state to a calmer state.  This process includes increasing awareness around when you are operating within your window versus when you are feeling dysregulated and outside of your window.  Some of these techniques include mindfulness, grounding and thought reframing.

how Mindfulness supports with emotional regulation

Mindfulness techniques encourage us to remain focused on the present moment, rather than living in the past or worrying about the future. Mindfulness practices can include meditation or deep breathing, as well as activities like listening to music, cooking or eating and practicing yoga. Anything can become a mindfulness practice if it is done with intention! Utilizing mindfulness in a therapy session can support you with learning how to regulate your nervous system and feel a sense of calm and ease within your body.

Grounding techniques and the window of tolerance

Grounding techniques also encourage you to stay rooted in the present moment, or grounded, by taking stock of the world around you. Here's an easy grounding exercise to try next time you feel like you might leave your window of tolerance: name five things you can see, four things you can hear, three things you can feel, two things you can smell and one thing you can taste. Using our senses helps us stay grounded in the present moment and can bring us back down to earth when we feel hyper- or hypo-aroused.  A therapist can support you in grounding when you begin to feel a heighten sense of arousal during session.

Thought Reframing to support emotional well-being

As we mentioned, traumatic events can generate thought patterns and beliefs that threaten to disrupt our well-being. For example, after hearing a verbally abusive partner's comments for long enough, a person may go on to believe that they are worthless and that no one will love them. Learning to examine the evidence for and against these thoughts can help you decide if these thoughts are worth listening to -- or whether they are negative beliefs shaped by your history.  Our therapists utilize a wide range of tools such as expressive arts, sand tray, role playing, movement, and other tools to explore both the conscious and subconscious thoughts or beliefs you may be holding.

Learning how to expanding your window of tolerance can be challenging to do by yourself. However, with the help of a qualified somatic therapist, you can learn to regulate your emotions and intentionally bring yourself back into your window whenever you are feeling stress or overwhelm.

THERAPY REFLECTIONS

1. How do you know when you are feeling anxious? What are some of the first physical signs that you notice?

2. How do you know when you are feeling down or depressed? What do you do or say to yourself when you’re feeling down?

3. What have you done in the past that has helped you feel better in those moments?

4. What are some of your go-to activities that help you when you’re feeling stress or overwhelm?

affirmations for healing

1. I am open to new experiences and embracing new opportunities.

2. I trust my intuition and follow my inner guidance.

3. I give myself permission to live in the present moment.

4. I am connected to the energy of the universe.

5. I have the power to create my own reality.

6. I am worthy and deserving of love, joy, abundance and inner peace.

**If you’re interested in expanding your knowledge on the Window of Tolerance and Emotional Regulation, check out these books below:

1. Widen the Window: Training Your Brain and Body to Thrive During Stress and Recover from Trauma by Elizabeth A. Stanley

2. The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-regulation

3. The Body Remembers: The Psychophysiology of Trauma and Trauma Treatment, by Babette Rothschild

4. The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy: Engaging the Rhythm of Regulation

5. The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma, by Bessel van der Kolk

6. Healing Developmental Trauma: How Early Trauma Affects Self-Regulation, Self-Image, and the Capacity for Relationship, by Laurence Heller

7. The Language of Emotions: What Your Feelings Are Trying to Tell You, by Karla McLaren

8. Nurturing Resilience: Helping Clients Move Forward from Developmental Trauma--An Integrative Somatic Approach

9. Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner's Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship, by Stan Tatkin

10. How to Do the Work: Recognize Your Patterns, Heal from Your Past, and Create Your Self

**Some product links are affiliate links, which means we'll receive a commission if you purchase through our link, at no extra cost to you. Please read full disclosure here.

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16 Effective Strategies to Alleviate Anxiety in the Present Moment

By Melody Wright, LMFT

Life can move at a fast pace and the inertia can take over, leaving us feeling empty without the steam to go any further.  What exactly is anxiety? Anxiety is an overwhelming feeling that interferes with daily life. To each person, the experience is different and can be caused by public speaking, test taking or starting a new job or school. 

Sometimes anxiety can take over, but the good news is, there are quick and simple steps you can take to settle your anxiety, think better and feel refreshed.
 

Best Anxiety Reducing Habits

1. Yoga- Aside from the anxiety-reducing benefits of yoga, it also has other positive side effects, such as a better quality of sleep and circulation. 

2. Dance- If you are feeling anxious, try dance. Enroll in a class such as jazz, tap, and ballet; or take friends and dance for fun. 

3. Massage- For stiff or tight muscles from strain or tension, a 30 minute to an hour massage can help reduce tension so you can relax.

4. Meditation-  Calming the mind from thoughts that produce anxiety is another way. Find a quiet place wherever you are and practice meditation. There are also free apps that can help you focus and meditate. 

5. Counting down from Ten- The rules your mom mentioned about counting to ten still works. If you are feeling overwhelmed, excuse yourself and take a few moments away. Counting down from 10 while being conscious of your breathing. 

6. Awareness- As much as the term seems trivial, it is amazing how often we don’t realize how certain people and situations impact our physical, mental and emotional well-being. Remember self-care and assessment; listen to your body’s cues to situations. 

7. Focus your breathing- While you are meditating and taking a moment, practice deep breathing in through your nose and slowly exhale through your mouth. Increasing the oxygen to your body helps ease the symptoms of anxiety. 

8. Connect to Earth-  Make a routine of getting outside, practice yoga or meditation outside. Reading in the park is a break from technology and a good time for fresh air. 

9. Go for a walk- Even if it's for 15 minutes, walking will do wonders for your physical and emotional wellbeing. Thus giving your mind a chance to rest. Bring your partner or even your pet and make this a healthy habit. 

10. Drink water- Dehydration contributes to a lack of mental and physical function. Make sure you are getting enough each day and more during extra physical activities and during the summer when the heat has increased.

11. Decrease screen time before bed-  light stimulates our eyes. Allow yourself time away from electronics and television before bed so you can fall asleep easier. 

12. Baths- Raising your body temperature eases anxiety and reduces tension in the muscles. Adding epsom salt with essential oils such as lavender and eucalyptus have calming qualities. 

13. Journaling and creative arts-  Sometimes writing your feelings and thoughts down acts as a release. If you like to paint or draw, this is another form of expressive art that combines creativity and healing in one. Listening, playing and writing music are also ways to soothe yourself in times of stress. 

14. Connecting with family and friends- It is okay to receive support from those you are close to. Just making a call to someone or stepping out to a quick meal with a friend can make the difference in your day. Make a point to check in with someone close often and reduce isolation during times you feel anxious. 

15. Cross lateral movements- Parents, kindergym for children is a great activity that incorporates learning with physical activities. And, this is not just for kids! Cross lateral movements can active both sides of the brain, which can help with integration and becoming more present and grounded.

16. Remember what you're grateful for- Sometimes just taking time to consider the good things you have in your life can turn around your state of mind. 

Remember to take time for yourself and remember that it is normal to experience anxiety in certain situations. However, if you have persistent anxiety that inhibits your ability to complete daily tasks, or it is interfering with other areas of your life, reach out to a somatic therapist and find out what else you can do to reduce your anxiety. 

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