Caring for the Soul: How Boundaries Fuel the Self-Care Journey

By Melody Wright, LMFT

In the hustle culture of life, where demands seem endless and the pace is relentless, the concept of boundaries is becoming more and more prevalent. When many of us hear the word boundaries we probably consider them as a strategy for creating physical space, yet they go beyond just that. Have you ever considered that boundaries are a way to show yourself compassion or that utilizing boundaries is a form of self-care? 

Not only do boundaries have the ability to create physical space, but they also create mental and emotional space as well. Boundaries can also be utilized when cultivating a secure relationship with yourself. In this blog, we will explore the ways to mindfully incorporate boundaries into every aspect of your life. 

Understanding Boundaries Through a Mindful Lens

\Cultivating mindfulness establishes an awareness that will support you in every aspect of your life. Mindfulness is the practice of being fully present and aware of the current moment. We call it a practice because, with every new adventure or obstacle in life, you will find that in new seasons you might need to shift the way you approach things. When living mindfully you will find that creating limits, such as boundaries, involves a conscious and deliberate approach. And to be honest, it’s not always easy. You will begin to learn your limits, where to place the boundaries, or where to let things slide, however, It’s all about finding balance within yourself. 

Self Discovery Through Mindful Boundaries

Mindfulness encourages self-awareness, which enables you to recognize your needs, desires, and limits. When you take the time to reflect on personal values, preferences, and places of comfort, you’re able to start creating boundaries that reflect your authentic self. This process of self-discovery is actually an act of self-compassion. By acknowledging your unique qualities you start to value them enough to protect and nurture them which in turn is acknowledging how valuable you are. 

Compassion in Saying “NO”

Setting boundaries often involves saying 'no' to certain demands, commitments, or situations, which can be challenging for many people. When you evaluate the situation and determine that it doesn’t align with your needs or find that you don’t have the mental, emotional, or physical capacity to fulfill the demand, this 'no' becomes an act of self-compassion rather than a rejection. By mindfully saying 'no', you communicate that your well-being is a priority, cultivating a sense of self-respect and self-love.

Balancing Empathy and Boundaries

Empathy is a cornerstone of compassion, both towards others and oneself. Cultivating mindful boundaries creates a balance between empathy and self-preservation, showing that you can be compassionate without sacrificing your personal well-being. For those naturally inclined towards empathy, tend to absorb the emotions and needs of others to the detriment of one's own mental and emotional health. Cultivating these mindful boundaries allows you to empathize with others without becoming overwhelmed. Creating this awareness allows you to know when to engage and when to create a gentle barrier to safeguard your emotional equilibrium.

Self-Compassion in Conflict

When on your on your self-discovery journey you might find that boundaries often come into play during conflicts or challenging conversations. Navigating these situations mindfully involves approaching conflicts with compassion. Instead of viewing boundaries as walls, consider them as bridges that enable open communication while still preserving personal well-being. When you practice mindfulness in conflict, you can foster understanding and compassion for yourself and the other person or persons involved. 

Recognizing Burnout Signals

As you journey through the practice of mindfulness, you’ll begin to become more attuned to the present moment and move through it without judgment or distraction. When this happens you’ll become more aware of the things that trigger any overwhelm or burnout in its early stages. This will allow you to become more proactive in placing those boundaries to prevent the stress from taking over and allow you the opportunity for rest and rejuvenation. 

Practical Tips for Mindful Boundary SettinG

1. Self-Reflection: Regularly check in with yourself to assess your emotional and mental state. What are your current needs and limits?

2. Communicate with Clarity: When setting boundaries, communicate with clarity and honesty. Articulate your needs and limits in a way that cultivates understanding. However, we want you to know that it’s ok if others don’t understand. What matters is that you and your well-being feel secure. 

3. Practice Saying 'No': Saying 'No' is an essential aspect of setting boundaries. Although this can be challenging for many people practice doing so with kindness and assertiveness.

4. Reevaluate and Adjust: Life is dynamic, and so are your boundaries. It’s okay to check in with yourself, reassess your limits, and adjust them as needed. 

Final Thoughts

Through the practice of mindfulness, you can discover, communicate, and uphold boundaries that not only protect your well-being but also nurture a compassionate relationship with yourself and others. By recognizing the interplay between empathy, present-moment awareness, and the setting of boundaries, you can create a more balanced and fulfilling life.

We understand that communication, self-discovery, and establishing boundaries can be complex and even challenging. If you are finding that you need support in these areas, consider working with a therapist. Life By Design Therapy has a team of therapists who are committed to seeing you heal, grow, and thrive in life. If you are interested in working with one of our therapists, CLICK HERE to schedule a free consultation today!

Affirmations for Creating Mindful Boundaries 

1. My boundaries are a reflection of my self-respect and commitment to well-being.

2. I trust my instincts to guide me in establishing healthy and mindful limits.

3. I am worthy of the peace and harmony that mindful boundaries bring to my life.

4. My boundaries are flexible and adaptive, allowing me to grow while maintaining balance.

5. I release guilt when saying 'no,' knowing that it is an expression of self-love.

Additional Resources 

**If you’re interested in expanding your knowledge on boundaries and self-growth , check out these books below:

1. Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No To Take Control of Your Life by Henry Cloud and John Townsend 

2. The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are" by Brené Brown 

3. "Where to Draw the Line: How to Set Healthy Boundaries Every Day" by Anne Katherine

4. The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion: Freeing Yourself from Destructive Thoughts and Emotions" by Christopher K. Germer

5. "Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children: Six Steps to Hope and Healing for Struggling Parents" by Allison Bottke 

6. "Beyond Codependency: And Getting Better All the Time" by Melody Beattie 

7. "Setting Boundaries with Difficult People: Six Steps to Sanity for Challenging Relationships" by David J. Lieberman

8. "The Art of Extreme Self-Care: Transform Your Life One Month at a Time" by Cheryl Richardson

9. "Setting Boundaries Will Set You Free: The Ultimate Guide to Telling the Truth, Creating Connection, and Finding Freedom" by Nancy Levin

10. "The Power of No: Because One Little Word Can Bring Health, Abundance, and Happiness" by James Altucher and Claudia Azula Altucher

**Some product links are affiliate links, which means we'll receive a commission if you purchase through our link, at no extra cost to you. Please read full disclosure here.

Anger Unmasked: Separating Myth from Fact

By Melody Wright, LMFT

Anger is an intense emotion that someone usually feels when someone has wronged them, or something has gone wrong. The emotion can range from mild to intense and can be felt along with other emotions depending on the context (frustration, impatience, sadness, etc.) While anger can be a very normal and natural emotion to feel, there is a lot of misinformation regarding anger and people who experience anger. Below are some myths about anger, as well as some information regarding those myths.

1. Myth: Anger can only be felt as a negative emotion and does not have any value. 
   Fact: Anger can be felt as a result of a positive reason, such as feeling angry over an injustice made toward another or a group of people. It can give you the motivation you need to advocate for positive change or rally for support toward a specific cause. 

2. Myth: We will never be able to change the way we react when we are angry.
   Fact: Our reactions are behaviors that we learned to do over time. Even if we feel like we inherited our anger from our parents, or that we react just like a close family member, we are able to make changes to the way we behave when we’re angry. Additionally, we can learn ways to regulate ourselves so that we are not quick to anger.  

3. Myth: Anger always leads to violence and aggression.
   Fact: Anger can sometimes be felt in a positive context, and does not always lead to someone becoming violent or aggressive. By learning certain skills and strategies, we can learn to adjust or modify our behavior in order to not become violent or aggressive when angry. 

4. Myth: Being angry and aggressive can show others that you are strong and determined.
   Fact: Aggression is defined as hostile and violent behavior towards others. Many people have learned that using anger and aggression can help them manipulate others into doing what they want. These behaviors are usually not associated with someone who is strong or determined. That being said, learning how to be assertive can help you gain respect from others without needing to display anger or aggression. 

5. Myth: It is important to always “let out” your anger. 
   Fact: There are different ways to manage your anger, and not all of them have to include a physical response to release anger (ie. walking out of your house to scream or hitting a punching bag). These physical displays of anger can lead to increased anger or aggression. There are other strategies that someone can learn to address their anger that reduce these intense emotions, instead of amplifying them.  

While anger can be used productively and felt in a positive context, it can become a problem when it is felt too often, too intensely, and is expressed inappropriately. Experiencing feelings of anger too often can cause increased stress on the body, lead to other emotions such as aggression, and can impact those around us. If you notice that your anger is creating issues for you or those around you, you are not alone. Many people experience challenges when it comes to feeling anger, and we’ll share more information regarding how to address anger in our upcoming blogs. For immediate support, we always encourage our readers to book an appointment with one of our licensed therapists.