Unpacking the Pain: Steps to Healing from Racial Trauma

By Melody Wright, LMFT

Now that we’ve put a name to the invisible foe of Racial Trauma, we can begin to find ways to acknowledge the pain and heal. If you’re curious as to what we are talking about head over to the previous blog ACKNOWLEDGING RACIAL TRAUMA: A PATH TO HEALING AND UNDERSTANDING as a prerequisite to this read. Racial Trauma can be a confusing and painful experience to endure, and as we mentioned in the previous blog, you are not alone. Your feelings and experiences are valid. In this blog, you will find ways to cope, resources, and learn new ways to heal. 

Healing Begins Here

Finding your footing on where to start your healing journey can be challenging. Racial trauma is something that is complex and individualized. Like grief, racial trauma is something that is not diagnosed clinically, yet is a very real experience, which can potentially leave you feeling confused. So what can you do to begin your healing process? 

1. Discuss Your Experience - Start talking to those around you that you trust. Having friends and family to bounce thoughts off of, share stories with, and even flow through emotions can create a safe space for healing. You may find that those around you have experienced or are experiencing similar thoughts and emotions as you are.

2. Seek Support - Not only can you find support with friends and family, but there are also community resources available, therapy services, and religious/spiritual services available to you. If you are a student, you can check with your school for programs and resources for those your age as well. Having this support can provide you with comfort and validation.

3. Engage In Self-Care Practices - Due to the stress that is put on the body in traumatic situations, it is essential to engage in self-care practices. Self-care practices are not one-size-fits-all, so take some time to figure out what works for you. That could be enjoying a bike ride after work, getting up early to drink your coffee and meditate, reciting affirmations to yourself on your drive to work, or practicing breathing techniques. The goal is to reduce stress on the body and bring awareness to what you’re experiencing.

4. Empower Other Voices - Your story will bring healing to others who are hurting. By participating in community outreach and activism, your story has the potential to reach many others who haven’t been able to put a name to their invisible foe. You may also have the ability to educate others outside of the BIPOC community about the importance of mental health among those experiencing racial trauma. You will see that as you use your voice, you will empower other voices to rise up and bring awareness to this systemic issue. 

Here at Life By Design Therapy, we acknowledge the vulnerability it takes to move through the complexities of racial trauma. We want to be a resource for you on your healing journey. We have a staff that carries a social justice lens, cultural competency, and relatability to ensure that you are receiving the safety and support you need. If you are interested in working with one of our therapists please click HERE to schedule your free phone consultation today. 

If you didn’t get a chance to check our list of resources in the previous blog,  we’ve included it here!

1. My Grandmother's Hands: Racialized Trauma and the Pathway to Mending Our Hearts and Bodies by Resmaa Menakem

2. Me and White Supremacy: Combat Racism, Change the World, and Become a Good Ancestor by Layla Saad

3. White Rage: The Unspoken Truth of Our Racial Divide by Carol Anderson

4. Post Traumatic Slave Syndrome: America's Legacy of Enduring Injury and Healing by Joy a Degruy

5. The Color of Law: A Forgotten History of How Our Government Segregated America by Richard Rothstein

6. Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria?: And Other Conversations About Race by Beverly Daniel Tatum

7. How to Raise an Antiracist by Ibram X. Kendi

8. Caste (Oprah's Book Club): The Origins of Our Discontents by Isabel Wilkerson

9. White Fragility: Why It's So Hard for White People to Talk About Racism by Dr. Robin DiAngelo 

10. Between the World and Me by Ta-Nehisi Coates

11. The Warmth of Other Suns: The Epic Story of America's Great Migration by Isabel Wilkerson 

12. The New Jim Crow: Mass Incarceration in the Age of Colorblindness by Michelle Alexander

13. Freedom Is a Constant Struggle: Ferguson, Palestine, and the Foundations of a Movement by Angela Y. Davis 

14. Postcolonial Love Poem by Natalie Diaz 

15. The Sum of Us: What Racism Costs Everyone and How We Can Prosper Together by Heather McGhee

**Some product links are affiliate links, which means we'll receive a commission if you purchase through our link, at no extra cost to you. Please read the full disclosure here.

Acknowledging Racial Trauma: A Path to Healing and Understanding

By Melody Wright, LMFT

There is an invisible force that has been silently affecting the lives of those with extra melanin in their skin. For centuries many people have felt this force in their day-to-day lives, yet they haven’t been able to name it. Some have described it as a cloud that follows them and never seems to lift. Others feel as though they must question their own thoughts and feelings with simple daily tasks. So what is this invisible foe? The answer is racial trauma. 

What is Racial Trauma? 

Racial trauma is physical, emotional, and mental distress experienced by the BIPOC community due to racism in society. The reason we are calling racial trauma the invisible foe is due to the fact that it is not something that is experienced during a single isolated event, but rather something that stacks over time by continual exposure either directly or indirectly. Racial trauma is also something that is rarely acknowledged as a valid human experience, which causes confusion throughout the community. 

Signs of Racial Trauma

Now that we’ve put a name to our foe, I’m sure you are wondering what signs of racial trauma are. Some people experience anxiety, depression, imposter syndrome, and even feelings of guilt and shame around regular day-to-day tasks. However, did you know that trauma can be stored in the body? It’s possible that you may be experiencing physical symptoms in response to the long-term effects of stress from racial trauma. Physical symptoms can include insomnia, headaches, and hypervigilance. The more exposure to racial trauma the more you may see these physical symptoms could intensify. 

Indirect vs Direct Racial Trauma

Exposure to racial trauma is a different experience for each individual. This trauma can come in the form of direct or indirect exposure. Unfortunately, many BIPOCs experience both in today's society.

Indirect racial trauma is probably the most predominant form of exposure. This can look like watching the news and finding out about police brutality in your area, having a family dinner out, and overhearing conversations with discriminatory phrases. These situations affect you without being necessarily directed at you. They may stimulate feelings of worry, anger, or confusion, all of which are valid responses to what you’ve experienced.

Direct racial trauma exposure is discrimination that is specifically directed at you. For example, you are at the grocery store buying some snacks for a gathering you’re having and you accidentally bump into someone. When you turn to apologize you are met with someone who responds with a racially motivated insult. After this, you may have feelings of anger and resentment, but you may also experience thoughts that make you think there is something wrong with you for having a different skin color. 

Acknowledging The Invisible Foe 

It is important to remember that you are not alone in your experience with racial trauma. This is a real thing that many people struggle with. Acknowledging racial trauma is the first step towards creating more awareness about its effects on people’s mental health. We must also strive to create an environment where people feel safe to talk about their experiences without fear of judgment. There are many people out there who understand what you’re going through and can provide support and resources to help you cope with the pain. If you are wondering where to start, finding a culturally competent therapist would be a great first step. At Life By Design Therapy we have a staff that is culturally competent, carries a social justice lens, and is relatable. If you are interested in working with our team please click HERE to schedule your free phone consultation. 

**If you’re interested in expanding your knowledge on race-related matters, check out these books below:

1. My Grandmother's Hands: Racialized Trauma and the Pathway to Mending Our Hearts and Bodies by Resmaa Menakem

2. Me and White Supremacy: Combat Racism, Change the World, and Become a Good Ancestor by Layla Saad

3. White Rage: The Unspoken Truth of Our Racial Divide by Carol Anderson

4. Post Traumatic Slave Syndrome: America's Legacy of Enduring Injury and Healing by Joy a Degruy

5. The Color of Law: A Forgotten History of How Our Government Segregated America by Richard Rothstein

6. Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria?: And Other Conversations About Race by Beverly Daniel Tatum

7. How to Raise an Antiracist by Ibram X. Kendi

8. Caste (Oprah's Book Club): The Origins of Our Discontents by Isabel Wilkerson

9. White Fragility: Why It's So Hard for White People to Talk About Racism by Dr. Robin DiAngelo 

10. Between the World and Me by Ta-Nehisi Coates

11. The Warmth of Other Suns: The Epic Story of America's Great Migration by Isabel Wilkerson 

12. The New Jim Crow: Mass Incarceration in the Age of Colorblindness by Michelle Alexander

13. Freedom Is a Constant Struggle: Ferguson, Palestine, and the Foundations of a Movement by Angela Y. Davis 

14. Postcolonial Love Poem by Natalie Diaz 

15. The Sum of Us: What Racism Costs Everyone and How We Can Prosper Together by Heather McGhee

**Some product links are affiliate links, which means we'll receive a commission if you purchase through our link, at no extra cost to you. Please read full disclosure here.

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The Fine Line: Distinguishing between Anxiety and Trauma

By Melody Wright, LMFT

When talking about mental health with others, you might notice that some of the signs and symptoms of Anxiety and Trauma may sound very familiar despite stemming from different events or diagnoses. For individuals wanting to learn more about their own mental health, or experiencing symptoms that may be related to anxiety or trauma, it can be very helpful to understand where their current symptoms stem from. This can help us seek and identify resources that will help us address our symptoms, as well as learn new ways to regulate ourselves when we feel overwhelmed or on edge. 

What is Trauma?

The American Psychological Association defines trauma as an “emotional response to a terrible event” such as abuse, community violence, or experiencing significant injury or loss. The symptoms we exhibit after experiencing trauma are directly related to events that happened in our past that did not make us feel safe or put us directly in the middle of unsafe situations. Some of the symptoms that people exhibit after experiencing trauma can include fatigue, feeling sad, and hopeless, experiencing mood swings, and withdrawing from others. Some symptoms can be more severe and can have long-term impacts on an individual, including experiencing consistent flashbacks to a traumatic event, developing panic attacks, sleep problems, or anxiety (also known as Generalized Anxiety Disorder). 

What is Anxiety?

Anxiety can be described as consistent and intense worrying over everyday situations, usually situations that have not yet happened yet. Anxiety sends a message to our brain that we need to do more to prepare for a possible, or upcoming, future event. Some of the physical symptoms that someone can experience when feeling anxious include a fast heart rate, sweating, and rapid breathing. While the causes of anxiety can vary, many people experience anxiety as a result of going through traumatic childhoods or events.

 What Do Anxious Behaviors Look Like?

While anxious behaviors can serve a purpose when they function as part of our body’s defense mechanisms (fight, flight, freeze, etc.), they can create an issue when they occur consistently and at the wrong times. Anxious behaviors can include the following:

• Ongoing feelings of nervousness, restlessness, or feeling “on-edge”

• Feeling irritable

• Experiencing headaches, stomach pains, or other unexplained pains

• Difficulty concentrating or falling/staying asleep

What Do Trauma Responses Look Like?

Traumatic responses are your body’s reaction to trauma. They can include the following:

• Inability to focus or make decisions

• The need to feel guarded or alert at all times

• Flashbacks or constant thoughts of a previous traumatic event

• Being easily startled in settings or situations that do not require you to be on high alert

As you can see from the descriptions and symptoms above, traumatic responses and anxious behaviors can feel similar in the body. The difference between a trauma response and an anxious behavior is where the symptoms are stemming from. Are the symptoms stemming from past events that your body identified as traumatic? Or are they stemming from concerns about future events or events that have not yet taken place (anxiety)? It is also important to know that trauma and anxiety may be connected for some individuals; One can develop anxious behaviors after experiencing traumatic events. 

What Can I Do?

Whether you experience anxious behaviors or trauma responses, it can feel overwhelming to see the impact they can create in our bodies. Know that you are not alone in feeling this way; 1 in 5 people experience anxiety in their lifetime, and 50-60% of people experience at least 1 traumatic event in their lives. Steps toward healing the body can be taken by learning how to regulate ourselves when we start to feel nervous, anxious, fearful, or on edge.

If you find yourself needing support to learn new skills to help you regulate, help address past trauma, or you’re interested in learning more strategies to combat your anxious thoughts, we encourage you to book a phone consultation today at Life by Design. Life by Design offers therapeutic services with qualified professionals that can give you the tools you need to help address your traumatic responses and anxious behaviors. Book a phone consultation here today for more information and to get you connected to additional support. 

Navigating Trauma: How Trauma Response Varies Between Genders

By Melody Wright, LMFT

When looking at the effects of trauma on individuals, it’s important to recognize that things like gender, culture, and life experiences can influence the way we react to traumatic events. While we may not be able to change some of these attributes, such as the culture we were born into, we can learn and obtain a better understanding of how they influence our reactions to trauma so we can address those reactions accordingly. 

What is Trauma

According to the American Psychological Association, trauma is “an emotional response to a terrible event” like an accident, an act of violence, or a natural disaster. People can experience both emotional and physical responses to these traumatic events in the long term.

How Does Gender Influence Trauma

Our cultures and communities tend to assign specific roles to genders; These gender roles can influence how we react to different circumstances and events, including traumatic ones. In cultures that stress traditional gender roles, where men are expected to display a stoic demeanor and women are expected to be the more vulnerable sex, traumatic responses can be heavily influenced by gender roles. 

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, or PTSD, is a disorder where a person has a difficult time processing and recovering from witnessing or experiencing a traumatic event. Studies have found that in cultures with traditional gender roles, there is a higher prevalence of women being diagnosed with PTSD. This can be attributed to women being able to feel more emotionally vulnerable in these cultures. 

Gender can also impact if and when individuals will access support to process their traumatic experiences. If the expectation is for a male to remain “strong” and not be impacted by stress, they may not immediately seek support. This can affect the impact that the event can have on their mental and emotional health in the long run.  

What Other Factors Influence Trauma

There are various factors that can influence how an individual reacts to trauma. Some of these factors include:

• How intense the traumatic event was

• Your family history and previous traumatic events

• The presence of a support system, or lack of

• Your current or ongoing stress levels 

• Alcohol or drug use

Coping Strategies

In the event that an individual experiences something traumatic, it is important to have the tools necessary to help process that event. This includes knowledge of coping strategies. Coping strategies to help process traumatic events include:

• Practicing deep breathing, meditation, and mindfulness 

• Finding or developing a new hobby or activity that gets your endorphins flowing

• Establishing and reaching out to your support system 

• Finding a support group where others may have experienced similar trauma

Traumatic events come in all shapes and sizes, and the information and coping strategies that may help one person may not be very helpful for another. If you find yourself needing support or additional coping strategies, we encourage you to book a phone consultation today at Life by Design. Life by Design offers therapeutic services with qualified professionals that can give you the tools you need to help address your mental health. Consider booking a consultation here today.

When the Past Resurfaces: Managing Triggers from the Past in the Present Moment

By Melody Wright, LMFT

As most of us do our morning scroll through our news and social media apps, we can see there is a substantial amount of events that we are constantly being exposed to. Whether these events are on an international level, such as war or tension between nations, a national level, such as politically charged or party-driven bills that are controversial in nature, or at a local level, such as riots as a result of police brutality, all of these events can trigger negative feelings or reactions. This is especially true if your past involves a traumatic event that is similar in nature to that of current events. 

Of course, while the media may be responsible for sharing and keeping us updated on current events, it’s us that has the responsibility to process the information that is delivered to us. Sometimes, this means that we need to process any negative feelings that may have been brought up in the course of receiving updates on current events. For an individual who has been targeted by law enforcement as a result of their race, watching a news segment on police brutality can be an extremely stressful experience that can trigger their past trauma. If you’re finding yourself struggling with current events triggering past trauma, below are some coping skills you can practice:

• Practice Mindfulness: Using mindfulness practices when you are feeling a rise in your stress or anxiety levels can be a great way to interrupt your negative thoughts and bring you back to the present. Breathing techniques or guided imagery are great options that can be easily used no matter where you are. 

• Set News or Social Media Boundaries: If you’re finding yourself feeling overwhelmed after scrolling through news and social media apps every morning, you may want to set boundaries around how you are using your time. Reducing your social media usage, changing the time of day in which you scroll through apps, or removing certain apps can help you limit the impact that these apps have on your overall mood. 

• Attend a Workshop or Support Group: There is great value in finding a community of people who share similar concerns, backgrounds, or experiences to you and are dedicated to providing support. Participating in a workshop or Support Group that focuses on the reason for your past trauma or current experiences can help you learn of what others with similar backgrounds are doing to process their trauma. 

• Consider Professional Help: If you’ve implemented any of the strategies above, or other strategies you’ve learned in the past, and are still having a hard time coping with current events, it may be time to consider professional help. 

Feeling constantly triggered by current events can leave us in a state of high stress and emotional fatigue. While we always encourage that you integrate self-care practices to help provide a sense of peace and balance, we acknowledge that it may not be enough. If you’ve considered talking to a therapist to help you process your current emotional state, now may be a good time to connect with someone at Life By Design. Click here for more information on scheduling a consultation.

Reclaiming Your Power: Steps to Begin Healing from Relationship Trauma

By Melody Wright, LMFT

A bad relationship can negatively impact our self-esteem, our ability to trust others, and affect our overall well being. It can also leave us with the daunting task to “undo” or heal from trauma that was experienced during our time in said relationship. While healing from relationship trauma will not happen overnight, it is important for you to know that healing can happen with time and by having the right tools.   

Whether you’ve recently left a long-term abusive spouse, or have ended a relationship over a single traumatic event such as infidelity, relationship trauma can create feelings of rage or anger toward your ex-partner and even yourself. In order to process your feelings and move forward toward a healthier version of yourself, or a healthier relationship with a new partner, it is important to address the feelings you have associated with your previous relationship and partner. 

Once you feel like you are ready to begin moving on from your last relationship, consider the following tips to kickstart your journey toward healing:

• Build, or rebuild, your support system: Your last relationship may have created some distance between you and your friends or family. Having a support system of trusted individuals can help provide you with listening ears and shoulders to lean on in moments where you feel alone. Consider reaching out to your friends and family to let them know you would appreciate their support at this time. If you find it difficult to share details about your current situation with friends and family, look into support groups in your area that focus on healing from abusive or unhealthy relationships. 

• Create a new routine: Creating a new routine may help provide you with the fresh start you need to begin healing. We recommend that your new routine include ways to address both your physical and emotional needs. Ensuring you have time to prepare and eat well-balanced meals, get regular sleep, spend time outdoors, and implement self-care techniques are all great ways to begin nurturing your body and mind. 

• Establish boundaries: Talking about your previous relationship or seeing your ex-partner on social media may bring back negative feelings or trigger difficult emotions for you. Take some time to identify and establish boundaries that will help you process your feelings at your own pace and protect your peace. This can include unfollowing or blocking your ex-partner on your social networks, asking your friends or family not to bring up your past relationship, or not visiting certain parts of town to minimize the chances of running into your ex-partner. 

Some break-ups are more difficult to process than others. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed or unable to cope with the feelings you have associated with the break-up, it may be a good time to schedule an appointment with a therapist. We encourage you to book a phone consultation today for more information. 

Healing from Within: Explore the Power of Somatic Therapy for Trauma

by Melody Wright, LMFT

When we've experienced something traumatic, we may not be consciously aware of the ways in which the trauma affects our everyday life. However, our bodies remember what has happened to us, and they store those memories as uncomfortable (sometimes painful) somatic sensations.

If you have survived trauma, you may find that you hold a lot of tension in your muscles or that you feel disconnected from your body. This can occur when our bodies are reminded of the trauma, even if our minds aren't aware of it.

Somatic therapy is a type of psychotherapy that asks us to listen to -- and learn from -- our bodily sensations. By strengthening the relationship between mind and body, we can heal from the effects of trauma, both physically and emotionally. Here is how it works.

How Our Bodies Remember Trauma

Unexplained physical ailments, like headaches or muscle tension, are common in trauma survivors. While they may be related to your traumatic past, they are not "all in your head." Instead, they stem from anxious energy that was not released during the traumatic event, when the fight-or-flight response was triggered.

Traumatic events can activate the sympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for symptoms like a racing heartbeat and clammy palms when we are anxious, scared, or stressed. The fight-or-flight response is designed to help us flee from or fight back against potential dangers. However, in a traumatic event, it is not always possible to do either of these things.

Whether you were physically restrained or paralyzed by anxiety, you may not have been able to discharge the adrenaline from your body's fight-or-flight response in the moment. As a result, the energy from the fight-or-flight response is stored in the body, leading to tension, pain, and other unpleasant symptoms.

How Somatic Therapy Works

Somatic therapy is a type of psychotherapy that utilizes the mind-body connection. Pioneers of somatic therapy, such as Peter Levine and Pat Ogden, believe that the key to healing from trauma is discharging this anxious energy from the body. This means finding other ways to process and release the body's stored emotions after the traumatic event. 

There are many techniques a somatic therapist can use to help you accomplish this goal. First, they will use interventions designed to help you develop greater awareness of your unique body and the ways in which it stores traumatic memories. Then, they will guide you through the process of expressing these stored emotions so you can move on.

Every somatic therapist works a bit differently. It's important to get to know your therapist so you can find the right fit for your individual needs. However, many somatic techniques are practiced by a wide variety of therapists. Understanding common somatic therapy techniques can help you get an idea of what to expect.

Common Somatic Therapy Techniques

Grounding

How often do you feel truly connected to your body? Trauma survivors may especially struggle to stay rooted in the present moment and notice uncomfortable thoughts or sensations. Grounding consists of exercises designed to bring us back into our bodies and mindfully take note of our sensations and surroundings. These exercises often rely on our five senses to absorb information from our environment. 

Movement

Movement is a form of medicine for the body. Mindfully moving your body can help you cope with challenging experiences and discharge anxious energy. It can also give you a sense of accomplishment and help you feel more connected to your body. Additionally, movement is one of the body's primary methods of communication. We can pay attention to our natural movements -- such as body language -- to learn more about ourselves, our emotions, and our beliefs. 

Setting Boundaries

Boundaries are limits we set to define the type of treatment we are willing to accept from others. Traumatic experiences inherently involve a violation of our personal boundaries. Setting mindful boundaries empowers you to take back control of your mind and body. Boundary-setting may be challenging for trauma survivors, who are often disconnected from the way their bodies feel about certain behaviors or experiences. By paying attention to the way our body feels in these moments, we can identify healthy boundaries that would improve our lives.

Want to learn more? Sign up for our Mind-Body Toolkit: A Beginner’s Guide to Connecting With Your Body. We provide 50 grounding exercises you can try when feeling anxious or overwhelmed and some of our favorite somatic tools and resources. This is a great way to learn more about the mind-body connection and if somatic therapy can help you. To get started, click here.

From Trauma to Transformation: Exploring the Impact of Trauma Exposure

by Ashley Gregory, LMFT

WHAT IS VICARIOUS TRAUMA?

The term “vicarious traumatization” arose in the mid-1990’s when Laurie Anne Pearlman and Paula S. Mac Ian studied the effects of working with traumatized clients on therapists. They defined it as “a transformation in the helper’s inner experience, as a result of empathetic engagement with traumatized clients and their traumatic experiences, coupled with a commitment or responsibility to help.” Since then, conversations and awareness around “secondary” or “vicarious” trauma have increased and expanded. The sheer number of blogs, Instagram posts and YouTube videos about self-care and mental health has injected these terms into more spaces than before.Yet, at the same time, deeply held beliefs, values and cultural practices maintain the very structures that keep people guessing about whether they are qualified to deserve the care they need as caregivers themselves. I would argue that this is especially true for those of us in the “caring professions'' or folks doing “care work.” In fact, minimizing one’s own experience, as a person exposed to the trauma of others, is itself a trauma exposure response.

MY OWN VICARIOUS TRAUMA JOURNEY 

As a twenty-something youth worker, I had no idea how to identify trauma symptoms. Furthermore, I did not understand how the trauma I was exposed everyday to would impact me and the work I did. The organization I worked for essentially hired me to make sure a dozen or more middle schoolers would do their homework right after a long day at school. The school was in the Fruitvale District of Oakland. I had not grown up in Oakland--in fact, I had recently moved there, pretty much straight out of college. Many of my colleagues at the time were also young white people who did not reflect the makeup of the community in which we were working--predominantly Black, Latinx and Asian American and Pacific Islander. Schools like the one where I worked were essentially training grounds for young, predominately white professionals to get their hours and leave to pursue their careers elsewhere. Racist and classist demands on time and money present significant barriers to people of color who want to become teachers. Racist and classist tax laws keep schools woefully underfunded, which means mental health care staff and programs designed to support young people’s emotional well-being are rarely prioritized. With so much going in their lives and so much of their lives spent at school, the trauma exposure these youth experienced played out in the cafeteria, the hallways and their classes. My after-school classroom was no exception. While I loved working with young people, I also became angry, hopeless and guilty. At some point, the school social worker mentioned “vicarious trauma.” Suddenly my experience had a name and I was floored. Over time, it was learning the complex and personalized symptoms of vicarious trauma that helped me develop the tools, practices and rituals I needed to achieve balance and ease.

TRAUMA STEWARDSHIP AND THE WARNING SIGNS OF TRAUMA EXPOSURE RESPONSE

Part of my own journey has been aligned with the practice of “trauma stewardship,” the term Laura van Dernoot Lipky coined as she navigated her own experiences of trauma exposure. In her book Trauma Stewardship: An Everyday Guide to Caring for Self While Caring for Others, van Dernoot Lipky interviews people in a wide range of professions and from diverse backgrounds about their personal journeys and trauma stewardship wisdom. She adds to the literature of vicarious trauma and explores the warning signs of a trauma exposure response. While some of the warning signs of trauma exposure response may be more obvious behaviors, such as developing an addiction, others are not as clear. For example, one of the warning signs of trauma exposure response is a sense of persecution, an “internal state,” van Dernoot Lipky shares, when “We become convinced that others are responsible for our well-being and that we lack the personal agency to transform our circumstances” (p. 93). These internal shifts can be confusing  and complicated to name without support. 

While everyone metabolises trauma exposure different, there are commonly experienced symptoms, some of which include:

• Exhaustion on every level--mental, physical and emotional

• Intrusive thoughts of disturbing images you’ve heard about or seen at work

• Nightmares

• Hypervigilance

• Grandiosity

• A sense that you can never do enough

GETTING HELP

Working with a therapist who has awareness of and experience with vicarious trauma can help you identify how trauma exposure responses show up in your life. Awareness is the first step towards making lasting change. With the support of a therapist, you can create new ways to relate to yourself and others with renewed compassion. 

Pearlman, L.A., & Mac Ian, P. S. (1995). Vicarious traumatization: An empirical study of the effects of trauma work on trauma therapists. Professional Psychology: Research and Practice, 26(6), 558.

Navigating COVID: 5 Tips to Reduce Stress During the Pandemic

by Melody Wright, LMFT

Now that the one-year anniversary of the COVID-19 lockdown has come and gone, many of us are reflecting on the ways our lives have changed as a result of the pandemic. Some of those changes may be positive, such as spending more time on hobbies while we're at home. However, many of them may be the result of pandemic-related stress that we're still navigating, more than 365 days later. Our children's schools may not have reopened, so we may still be watching them, or we may still be adjusting to working from home.

And, with the vaccine becoming more widely available, many of us are facing renewed anxiety around COVID-19. There are dozens of questions on our minds: when will we be able to get vaccinated? When will we be able to stop wearing a mask? Will we be able to go on our summer vacation? In other words, just because there is hope on the horizon does not mean that pandemic-related stress is going to disappear overnight. We still need to develop healthy ways to cope with the aftermath of the COVID-19 pandemic.

These five essential tips will help you navigate pandemic-related stress in a proactive way. Strengthening your coping skills will not only serve you during the pandemic, but it will continue to improve your stress management in your everyday life.

1. Take a break from the news.

As critical as it is to stay informed, you should limit the amount of time you spend consuming news about the pandemic. Information about social distancing and vaccine scheduling matters, but it can also be incredibly disheartening when it is all we are hearing about. It's important to take time away from the news to engage in conversation about ordinary life: people we know, things we enjoy, and all the things we would talk about under "normal" circumstances! ("News" includes social media, too.)

2. Connect with loved ones.

Many of us have been isolated for some time due to the coronavirus pandemic, leaving us feeling down in the dumps. Maintaining strong social connections is essential to our mental health. Luckily, thanks to modern technology, we can still connect with friends and family from a safe distance. Scheduling virtual lunch or dinner dates, or simply picking up the phone to call a friend, can make a huge difference in helping you feel less lonely during the pandemic.

3. Follow your daily routine.

When working from home, or otherwise experiencing interruptions in your daily routine, it's easy to start the day off on the wrong foot. It may be tempting to wear pajamas to work all day (who would ever know?) or order takeout every day for dinner instead of cooking. However, keeping up with as much of your regular routine as possible can help you restore some sense of normalcy to your life. You can't control when the country reopens, but you can decide to get dressed in the morning as if you were going to the office or to meal plan the same way you would if the kids were going to school.

4. Incorporate light physical activity.

Exercise releases endorphins that boost our mood and relieve stress. The thought of going to the gym or for an hour-long run during a global pandemic may feel overwhelming, but exercise doesn't have to be structured. Your daily "workout" might include walking the dog, jumping on the trampoline with your kids, or even cleaning the house. Even simply standing up every 30 minutes while working from home can benefit your health. The key is to find easy activities you love to do that don't feel like work! 

5. Speak to your employer.

Lots of workers, especially healthcare workers and essential workers, are feeling the effects of pandemic-related stress in the office, and many employers have set up infrastructures to help employees cope. If working from home with kids or working long shifts in an essential workplace is becoming overwhelming, speak to your employer to see if there are wellness supports in place to help make things easier. You might even be able to move your shifts around or get more flexibility with time off to take care of the kids and other responsibilities at home, alleviating some of the stress of the pandemic.

5 Practices for Nurturing Yourself in the Face of Racial Trauma

By Dr. Nia Saunders

In the wake of the recent grand jury decision regarding Breonna Taylor, many are experiencing outrage and disbelief. For Black people in particular, the decision represents yet another profound loss and continued lack of justice for violence against Black women. 

Our community is hurting. This pain is intensified by the backdrop of Covid-19 (which disproportionately affects BIPOC) and the protests following George Floyd’s murder, serving as another reminder that our society is also fighting other widespread social pandemics - White supremacy, anti-Black racism, and institutional oppression related to policing. Many Black people are asking each other “How do we continue showing up to work, putting on a ‘professional’ smile, and acting as if we are not grieving, as if our humanity is not constantly under threat?” 

These experiences contribute to what is called racial trauma. Common responses include anxiety, depression, anger, trouble concentrating, flashbacks, emotional numbing, being on edge, and loss of hope. Racial trauma often shows up in our bodies in the form of physical aches, fatigue, and appetite changes. It can lead to unhelpful ways of coping such as isolating or increased drug and alcohol use. Given the research about the impact of racial stress on Black physical and mental health, it’s essential to use practices to support wellness. 

1. Give yourself permission to not be okay with all that is happening.

   Your experiences and reactions to racism are valid. The feelings of anguish and despair are understandable and normal reactions to systemic oppression. Comments from others aimed at derailing conversations such as “It’s not about race” or “If Black people would just” are gaslighting. This is a technique used by abusers to make their victims question their reality. It’s okay to resist being a racial educator for those who do not care to understand. It’s more important to affirm for yourself that your lived experiences matter and are legitimate. 

2. Find safe spaces to vent.

   It’s important to locate the supportive people and places who have a level of racial awareness and can safely hold your experiences. While challenging, the restrictions associated with Covid-19 offer increased availability of online resources that center the needs of Black folx, such as the ones in the list below. 

3. Prioritize caring for yourself and your physical, emotional, and spiritual health.

   It’s common for people to feel guilt about putting themselves first. Audre Lorde said “Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.” There is more than one way to fight in the movement for racial justice and it’s important to care for yourself in ways that honor your needs. Pause for 1 minute and practice listening to your body’s cues that signal the need for food/water, rest, movement, or social connection. Try to conserve your energy and focus on things that pour into you and feel restorative. 

4. Limit social media use when possible.

   Although many people use social media as a form of distraction, exposure to constant images of violence (physical or structural) against Black people can be traumatizing. If you must engage online, try limiting your time and actively doing something to counteract the negativity. For example, 30 minutes of social media = 1 hour of moving your body or being outside. 

5. Find moments to cultivate joy.

   This can be a powerful way to challenge feelings of despair and reclaim your personal power. Try creating a list of 3 things you are grateful for today. Think about 5 things that bring you joy, put them on your calendar, and set a reminder. It can be helpful to connect with positive aspects of Black racial identity such as listening to music, dance, or using humor. Whether it’s being in nature, journaling, or creating art, we all have something that brings a sense of calm or livens our spirit, even if it feels small.  Let’s commit to doing all we can to create opportunities for joy. Your life matters. 

Therapy Reflections: 

1. Am I giving myself permission to feel whatever comes up for me? 

2. Have I found safe people and places where I feel supported and valued? 

3. What does my body need right now and how can I honor that? 

4. How am I taking care of myself and intentionally cultivating joy? 

~Dr. Nia Saunders

Resources: 

• 44 Mental Health Resources for Black People Trying to Survive in This Country: https://www.self.com/story/black-mental-health-resources

• Therapy for Black Girls Podcast- Dr. Joy Harden Bradford: https://therapyforblackgirls.com/podcast

• The Nap Ministry on Instagram: Highlights the radical power of rest for Black people and challenges ideas around over-working to the point of exhaustion. https://thenapministry.wordpress.com/

• The Read- a podcast by Kid Fury and Crissle, two queer Black folx who discuss the intersection of pop culture, race, and mental health often with a comedic flair (not recommended for minors)

  http://thisistheread.com/episodes
  

Understanding and Unlocking The Potential of Your Window of Tolerance

By Melody Wright, LMFT

Do you ever notice yourself feeling stressed out, out of control or on edge? Or, the opposite: do you find yourself feeling zoned out, numb or shut down? These states of hyper- and hypo-arousal suggest that you're operating outside of your window of tolerance, a term used in therapy to describe the state when you're at your best and most able to cope with any challenges thrown your way. Check out the Window of Tolerance diagram below to see how various trauma responses, emotional states, and physical symptoms show up in the window of tolerance.

what is the window of tolerance

The window of tolerance is a widely used term in somatic therapy, which highlights the importance of staying within an optimal range of arousal to regulate our nervous system and our emotions. This window of tolerance represents the range of arousal or emotion a person can tolerate without becoming dysregulated. When a person is outside of this window, they may feel overwhelmed, out of control, or even triggered by certain experiences.

Staying within your window of tolerance is essential for operating at an optimal, rational level of functioning where you can remain regulated, present, calm and in each moment. With the help of somatic therapy, you can learn to recognize when you are outside of your window of tolerance and use various body-based tools and techniques to regulate their body and mind to return to a balanced state.

what shapes our window of tolerance

The window of tolerance can be shaped by several factors, including a person's life experiences, unresolved trauma, and the ability to utilize self-regulation skills. Life experiences that may be traumatic or emotionally dysregulating can cause a person to feel overwhelmed and outside their window of tolerance. Unresolved trauma can also cause a person to become stuck in a hyper-aroused or hypo-aroused state. Lastly, the ability to utilize self-regulation skills, such as deep breathing, mindfulness, and journaling, can help a person stay in the window of tolerance and maintain emotional regulation during times of high stress.

what happens when our Window of Tolerance shrinks

When you feel safe and supported, you are most likely to be able to cope with events that threaten to push you outside your window of tolerance. But when a stressful or traumatic event occurs, your window of tolerance may narrow or shrink. The narrower your window of tolerance, the more intense and difficult it may be to manage your emotions and moments of stress. As a result, you may react to minor stressors with a disproportionate response of hyper- or hypo-arousal. 

Traumatic events impact our ability to self-soothe and self-regulate. In other words, we are no longer able to comfort ourselves and reign in our emotions the way we are able to when we are within our window of tolerance. Trauma also changes our thoughts and beliefs, creating a new way of thinking and feeling that perpetuates the cycle of hyper- or hypo-arousal.

People who frequently operate outside their window of tolerance may be more likely to experience symptoms of depression (a state of extreme hypo-arousal) or anxiety (a state of extreme hyper-arousal). Someone who is often in a state of hyper-arousal due to a traumatic incident may develop post-traumatic stress disorder, or PTSD, leading them to experience flashbacks, nightmares, panic attacks, derealization and depersonalization. 

If you’re interested in some of our favorite body-based tools to regulate, Check Out This Link Here.

How to Manage Your Window of Tolerance

A trained somatic therapist can support you by beginning to identify your specific patterns of hyper- or hypo-arousal and can guide you through body-based techniques that can help you move from a more aroused state to a calmer state.  This process includes increasing awareness around when you are operating within your window versus when you are feeling dysregulated and outside of your window.  Some of these techniques include mindfulness, grounding and thought reframing.

how Mindfulness supports with emotional regulation

Mindfulness techniques encourage us to remain focused on the present moment, rather than living in the past or worrying about the future. Mindfulness practices can include meditation or deep breathing, as well as activities like listening to music, cooking or eating and practicing yoga. Anything can become a mindfulness practice if it is done with intention! Utilizing mindfulness in a therapy session can support you with learning how to regulate your nervous system and feel a sense of calm and ease within your body.

Grounding techniques and the window of tolerance

Grounding techniques also encourage you to stay rooted in the present moment, or grounded, by taking stock of the world around you. Here's an easy grounding exercise to try next time you feel like you might leave your window of tolerance: name five things you can see, four things you can hear, three things you can feel, two things you can smell and one thing you can taste. Using our senses helps us stay grounded in the present moment and can bring us back down to earth when we feel hyper- or hypo-aroused.  A therapist can support you in grounding when you begin to feel a heighten sense of arousal during session.

Thought Reframing to support emotional well-being

As we mentioned, traumatic events can generate thought patterns and beliefs that threaten to disrupt our well-being. For example, after hearing a verbally abusive partner's comments for long enough, a person may go on to believe that they are worthless and that no one will love them. Learning to examine the evidence for and against these thoughts can help you decide if these thoughts are worth listening to -- or whether they are negative beliefs shaped by your history.  Our therapists utilize a wide range of tools such as expressive arts, sand tray, role playing, movement, and other tools to explore both the conscious and subconscious thoughts or beliefs you may be holding.

Learning how to expanding your window of tolerance can be challenging to do by yourself. However, with the help of a qualified somatic therapist, you can learn to regulate your emotions and intentionally bring yourself back into your window whenever you are feeling stress or overwhelm.

THERAPY REFLECTIONS

1. How do you know when you are feeling anxious? What are some of the first physical signs that you notice?

2. How do you know when you are feeling down or depressed? What do you do or say to yourself when you’re feeling down?

3. What have you done in the past that has helped you feel better in those moments?

4. What are some of your go-to activities that help you when you’re feeling stress or overwhelm?

affirmations for healing

1. I am open to new experiences and embracing new opportunities.

2. I trust my intuition and follow my inner guidance.

3. I give myself permission to live in the present moment.

4. I am connected to the energy of the universe.

5. I have the power to create my own reality.

6. I am worthy and deserving of love, joy, abundance and inner peace.

**If you’re interested in expanding your knowledge on the Window of Tolerance and Emotional Regulation, check out these books below:

1. Widen the Window: Training Your Brain and Body to Thrive During Stress and Recover from Trauma by Elizabeth A. Stanley

2. The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-regulation

3. The Body Remembers: The Psychophysiology of Trauma and Trauma Treatment, by Babette Rothschild

4. The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy: Engaging the Rhythm of Regulation

5. The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma, by Bessel van der Kolk

6. Healing Developmental Trauma: How Early Trauma Affects Self-Regulation, Self-Image, and the Capacity for Relationship, by Laurence Heller

7. The Language of Emotions: What Your Feelings Are Trying to Tell You, by Karla McLaren

8. Nurturing Resilience: Helping Clients Move Forward from Developmental Trauma--An Integrative Somatic Approach

9. Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner's Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship, by Stan Tatkin

10. How to Do the Work: Recognize Your Patterns, Heal from Your Past, and Create Your Self

**Some product links are affiliate links, which means we'll receive a commission if you purchase through our link, at no extra cost to you. Please read full disclosure here.

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Simple and Effective Approaches to Resolving Trauma

By Melody Wright, LMFT

There are many layers and nuances involved in healing trauma.  It’s important to remember to be kind and compassionate towards yourself AND your process.  Healing from trauma can be slow as you work through a multitude of feelings. The feelings you may experience are anxiety, fear, shame, deep hurt, distrust, avoidance, disappointment, disbelief and more.  With time you can build more internal and external resources for healing, understanding, and acceptance.  

HEALING FROM TRAUMA

In most peoples’ lives, trauma occurs. Having experienced trauma, one needs to solve it in a way that works best for each individual. Trauma can be a death of someone close to you, abuse, surviving an illness, seeing a disturbing event, and the impacts of divorce and custody issues to name a few. No two people are alike, and everyone responds to those traumas differently, so the ways to solve and overcome them need to reflect that.  

Talking with a close friend or counselor is a wonderful way to begin; however, if you are not ready to discuss your feelings with anyone, there are other ways.  

ART

Art encompasses many variables of expression and paves the ways such as writing, sculpting, collaging, singing, or playing music.  It is essential to find a place where you can relax, which induces positive feelings and thoughts. For example, a favorite park, a special room just for you at home, near a beach, hiking in a forest.  Wherever that place is, allow yourself to relax and be free of inhibiting thoughts while you use creativity.  

If you are not experienced in painting or sculpting, try drawing and sketching first.  Find a book on sketching or join a class to learn more. If you feel stumped, take a journal and a pen to write your feelings, goals, or challenges. If you love music, enjoy your favorite songs while you brainstorm. 

Finding what works for you may take time, however, there are many possibilities to start your journey. 

• Journal

• Write a short story;

• Write a letter to a friend;

• Sketch;

• Paint a scene or image from your mind;

• Poetry writing;

• Writing or playing music;

• Redecorate a space in your home;

• Try a new look with your hair or clothes;

• Volunteer to help in your community.

  CONNECT WITH FURRY FRIENDS

Nothing beats furry friends.  Our pets love us unconditionally and often notice things that people don’t.  If you do not have a pet, consider what your housing is like, the size and if you have a yard for a larger outdoor pet.  Once you decide which pet is right for you, consider joining a training class. If you are already a pet owner, start a new hobby such as walking, jogging or a training class for you and your pet.

PHYSICAL ACTIVITY

Physical activity helps in resolving symptoms of trauma, such as anxiety and depression.  If you enjoy outdoor activities such as jogging or hiking, this is a fantastic way to focus your energy.  If you are not a jogger or a runner, then walk in a park or your neighborhood. The key is to get outside, take a break from technology and television.  This is also a good time to focus on your breathing and connect with your body.

TALK WITH SOMEONE

When you feel up to talking, it is always a great idea to connect with someone who can help you.  Find a trusted friend or family member to confide in. This person should be supportive and not judgmental in what you are experiencing.  If you do not have anyone close to you, reach out to a therapist. A therapist can help you work through your trauma and assist you in discovering creative ways to work through unresolved trauma. 

POSITIVE CHANGE IS POSSIBLE

Our therapists understand that when you experience trauma your sense of safety in the world, your body, and your trust in relationships can be disrupted. Learning how to cultivate a sense of safety is an important step to healing trauma. Our somatic therapists work with clients in discovering new ways to be in the world after the disruptions of traumatic experiences by going directly to the source--the body. Realizing what is happening in your body is the foundation of the work. When you bring awareness to the sensations in your body, rather than feeling overwhelmed by them, you can have more control over your responses, which is essential for healing.

THERAPY REFLECTIONS

1. Do you have any unresolved traumas or past hurts that still need healing?

2. What can you do today to start your healing process?

3. What does healing mean to you and how do you know when you are healed?

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