Your First Online Therapy Session: Anticipating 5 Key Aspects of Your Experience

By Dr. Nia

In the time of coronavirus, we are all adjusting to many stressors: concern about our health and that of our loved ones, school or workplace closures,and financial worries, among others. Many people are experiencing understandable increases in anxiety, depression, and social isolation. Fortunately, online sessions (also known as teletherapy) are an option for staying connected while observing the guidelines around social distancing. Video or phone sessions can allow you to maintain the connection you have with your therapist or develop a new relationship if you are seeking therapy for the first time.  

1. Consent: Similar rules apply in online sessions as in the actual therapy room. The first is that you provide informed consent. This means you agree to treatment and participate willingly, you are aware of the risks/benefits, and you can withdraw from treatment at any time. Your therapist will obtain your consent and make sure to answer any questions you have. Also, your therapist will ask where you are located, since we can only practice in states where we are licensed. 

2. Confidentiality: Another rule is confidentiality, which means your therapist will keep what you share between you, with a few exceptions (child or elder abuse, danger to self/others, and court orders). On your end, it’s helpful to have a private area where you can speak freely. Using earbuds/headphones can improve privacy and sound quality. For added security during your sessions, turn off smart devices, like Alexa, that may be “listening” even when not in use. It can be helpful to let family and other folks know you have an appointment that requires your attention. Children and pets often require our attention so it’s okay if you need to step away. A private space is not always possible but perhaps an option like the family car can work. Rest assured that your therapist will problem-solve with you if you are having trouble finding a confidential space. In my previous work in community mental health, I had sessions with clients in nontraditional locations. This included places like parks, Starbucks, and in one last-minute bind with a hungry kiddo, a Burger King! Although not ideal, we are all having to be more flexible in these times, so try to offer yourself compassion and be creative, while upholding your own confidentiality. 

3. Space: The physical space in a therapy office often creates a feeling immediately when you walk in. Your therapist has likely put a lot of thought into things like furniture, lighting, and even artwork, in order to create a space that feels comfortable and inviting. The benefit of online sessions is you have control over creating this space for yourself. When considering what can help you to feel most at ease during an online therapy session, think about your 5 senses. Would you like a soft throw pillow on your lap or to have a warm drink? Maybe you’d like to light a candle with your favorite scent? Notice how your body feels in the space during the session and make adjustments based on what brings you a sense of calm. 

4. #Awkward: It’s okay to feel a bit apprehensive when doing online therapy for the first time. Normally, interacting in a video format is reserved for friends and family or for work. Online therapy can feel too personal or not personal enough at the same time. There may be times when there are long pauses or eye contact feels too intense. It’s normal to feel self-conscious about seeing yourself on-screen (this comes up a lot with teens). It can help to place a sticky note over your picture and focus on your therapist’s friendly face. You can experiment with different things to help you feel more comfortable, such as angles, distance, and lighting. You and your therapist will work together and gradually develop a rhythm for your online sessions. 

5. Technical difficulties: Despite all our best efforts, these will happen! And when they happen in therapy, they can be ill-timed and cause frustration. Remember to take deep breaths. These challenges are expected and no one is to blame. Closing down other programs on your laptop or phone can help improve your internet connection. As a last resort, you and your therapist may decide to have a phone session. Together, you and your therapist can navigate these difficulties and have an ongoing conversation about how they impact your therapeutic relationship. 

Therapy reflections: 

1. If this is your first time in therapy, how do you think an online session might be different from in person? What worries or concerns do you have? 

2. If you previously met with your therapist in person, what did you like about the physical space? Is there anything you’d change? 

3. What challenges do you foresee in your online therapy process and how can you plan ahead to work through them?

4. What tools can you use in your own space to create a sense of safety and comfort? 

I hope these tips help you feel more prepared for your video or phone sessions.

Couples Therapy: The Modern Rules for Lasting Relationship Transformation

By Melody Wright, LMFT

Relationships are important and require care, quality time, and secure attachment to be healthy ones. The choices we make and the responses we give one another set the tone in our relationships. Sometimes the increasing demands of daily living tax couples, leaving little emotional overhead for the most important ones in our lives. Often when there is conflict, this contributes to adverse reactions, thoughts, and feelings.

WHO IS THE MODERN COUPLE?

Times have changed in terms of the shift in traditional relationships. Today, more women are in the workforce, and more men have shifted to stay at home roles for the children. In addition, we have more same-sex, gender non-conforming, and poly-amorous couples who are navigating relationships and the various roles of parenting, managing household chores and juggling financial responsibilities. With these shifts in our society brings less exclusivity in roles between partners and those who are or decide to become parents.

Modern couples have less defined roles that may be exciting and a refreshing way of supporting one another; this can also bring complex challenges for each partner. Aspects such as vulnerability expectations and being emotionally available to their partners may be challenging.

While women have been traditionally viewed as more emotional; increased demands from relationships, children and career choices add more pressures. This too can affect a woman’s emotional availability if she is feeling overwhelmed or unsupported.

RELATIONSHIPS NEED CARE

If your relationship does not receive the attention it needs to thrive and grow, distance, and detachment takes over. If you have old wounds, this too will be a contributing factor to the breakdown and emotional distance in your marriage or partnership. Couples may end up feeling hurt, angry, or isolated and give up.

Human beings need secure attachments and made to feel unconditionally loved in their relationships. When we feel hurt, fear can move in and reduce the attachment to whom we love. Sometimes we are so caught up in our responses and thoughts; We lose sight in how it affects the one person we love the most.

HOW HOLISTIC & SOMATIC THERAPY CAN HELP THE MODERN COUPLE

When you can identify your body’s responses to your thoughts and emotions, it becomes easier to define your triggers and how they affect you and your relationship. Things such as sweaty palms, or ‘fight or flight’ response can be some indicators. For example, yelling, crying, a burst of anger, and even leaving the room or shutting down all point to the ‘fight or flight’ responses to those who are struggling to deal with challenges in relationships. This leaves the other partner scared, confused, and hurt.

To understand your own physical and emotional reactions, you must acknowledge them and be in the moment. Somatic therapy is learning to be mindful and more present. This can provide a better insight into how you and your partner are affected by those responses.

Holistic therapy can also support you and your partner in couples counseling. Holistic therapy provides insight and ways to respond to your partner that fosters a secure attachment. This is possible when we understand our responses and feel safe to express them. With mutual understanding, couples can learn better ways of supporting one another.

With unconditional love and support, being in the moment and altering interactions will better your relationship. Couples therapy may incorporate focusing on the patterns and cycles you and your partner have that keep you stuck having the same argument repeatedly. By beginning to bring mindful awareness to your patterns as a couple, you can make shifts in your interactions for the better. In addition, couples therapy has the potential to rebuild the genuine bond you once had and possibly a stronger one.

LIFE BY DESIGN THERAPY IS READY TO SUPPORT THE MODERN COUPLE

When you come in for marriage counseling or couples therapy, we practice the somatic approach of being in the moment during sessions. While we want you to be comfortable in the session, change is vital for growth. There may be a time we will encourage you to be mindful, use expressive arts, movement, or being aware of your breathing, all while respecting your comfort.

Coming in for couples’ therapy will provide the understanding to work through these feelings. It is possible to heal and feel connected in your relationship with your partner again. Our somatic and holistic therapists at Life By Design are here to support you in couples therapy and answer any questions you have. Let us guide your relationship to a greater understanding and acceptance. Whether you need to work through minor key issues or several, Life By Design Therapy is here. You can connect with us in Berkeley and Richmond, California. Call today for a better tomorrow.

THERAPY REFLECTIONS

1. How satisfied are you in your current relationship?

2. How do you and your partner communicate hurts or disappointments?

3. How comfortable are you with being vulnerable?

4. Are there any areas in your relationship that you would like to be improved?

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Maximizing Your Therapeutic Journey: Strategies to Optimize the Benefits of Therapy

By Melody Wright, LMFT

So you’ve made your first therapy appointment with one of our holistic therapists at Life by Design Therapy, and it’s coming up fast. Or perhaps you’re trying to decide about making this first step. You’re ready to improve your life, divulge your hidden thoughts, do all the inner work, and come out the other side making positive steps toward the life of your dreams.

To get the most out of your therapy sessions, there are a few key session habits that can make all the difference. Following these will keep you out of the common pitfalls that are typically experienced along the way.

HAVE GOALS IN MIND

To know you are healed, you have to know your definition of healed. This answer can be different for every person. To some people, this may be no longer being affected by relationship trauma. To other people, this may be finally getting your dream job or at least pinpointing what it is. While it’s okay to start without knowing these goals, you (perhaps with the help of your therapist) will want to know your ultimate goal, so you have a gauge of when you no longer need therapy.

BEING OPEN TO THE PROCESS

Healing and personal growth are rarely straight roads. Your therapist may help you realize strengths in yourself which help you deal with triggers, overwhelming anxiety or depression, relationship wounds, or negative thought patterns that you didn’t know would help. These initial actions may help tremendously for a few weeks, but may then need to be changed as more of your past surfaces. For others, you may read assigned books and do the exercises that help you find your passion, then somewhere along the way recognize something about that career that causes you to go in another direction.

The journey is rarely straightforward. None of the effort goes wasted, either. The arising circumstances show you many facets of your inner growth.

SHOWING UP CONSISTENTLY

There may be days along the way when you believe it’s not worth driving to your appointment. Although skipping may sound like a great solution in the moment, it almost never is. People usually skip their appointment when they don’t think they need any more help, when they think they’re just going to talk about the same things as the previous week or when they feel so bad they don’t think anyone can help.

Continuing to come no matter what is extremely important. You may think your life is figured out when it isn’t. Then, soon after, life throws a curveball. You might not be able to fit back into your therapist’s schedule if you passed on your usual spot.

It’s important to know that you are never wasting your therapist’s time. If you think you no longer need help, show up anyway and discuss it together. Also, know it’s perfectly fine to discuss last week’s problems again. Your therapist can help you by helping you work through things in a different way than last time. Letting your therapist know what’s not working can better your results. This way, your therapist can tailor your sessions to your changing needs or struggles.

And your situation is never without hope. When you’ve reached a rock bottom is the time to rely on the professional help you’re avoiding.

While it may be hard, it’s vital to come in no matter what.  

SPEAK UP BEFORE ENDING THERAPY

One step further than missing an appointment is deciding you’re through altogether. If you decide you’re done without the agreement of your therapist, there’s a big chance you are missing an important piece of healing. Your therapist wants you to reach your session goals just as much as you do.

If you are tempted to end therapy, bring it up to your therapist. They can enlighten you as to why it’s important for you to continue.

Thankfully nowadays, the need for help is becoming more and more accepted. Now is one of the best times in history to receive help. To get the most out of this opportunity, these four basic steps help tremendously. Showing up is often half the battle and continuing on the therapy path even when it doesn’t feel right is crucial as well. Our therapists at Life by Design Therapy are ready to support your therapy process!

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