Understanding and Unlocking The Potential of Your Window of Tolerance

By Melody Wright, LMFT

Do you ever notice yourself feeling stressed out, out of control or on edge? Or, the opposite: do you find yourself feeling zoned out, numb or shut down? These states of hyper- and hypo-arousal suggest that you're operating outside of your window of tolerance, a term used in therapy to describe the state when you're at your best and most able to cope with any challenges thrown your way. Check out the Window of Tolerance diagram below to see how various trauma responses, emotional states, and physical symptoms show up in the window of tolerance.

what is the window of tolerance

The window of tolerance is a widely used term in somatic therapy, which highlights the importance of staying within an optimal range of arousal to regulate our nervous system and our emotions. This window of tolerance represents the range of arousal or emotion a person can tolerate without becoming dysregulated. When a person is outside of this window, they may feel overwhelmed, out of control, or even triggered by certain experiences.

Staying within your window of tolerance is essential for operating at an optimal, rational level of functioning where you can remain regulated, present, calm and in each moment. With the help of somatic therapy, you can learn to recognize when you are outside of your window of tolerance and use various body-based tools and techniques to regulate their body and mind to return to a balanced state.

what shapes our window of tolerance

The window of tolerance can be shaped by several factors, including a person's life experiences, unresolved trauma, and the ability to utilize self-regulation skills. Life experiences that may be traumatic or emotionally dysregulating can cause a person to feel overwhelmed and outside their window of tolerance. Unresolved trauma can also cause a person to become stuck in a hyper-aroused or hypo-aroused state. Lastly, the ability to utilize self-regulation skills, such as deep breathing, mindfulness, and journaling, can help a person stay in the window of tolerance and maintain emotional regulation during times of high stress.

what happens when our Window of Tolerance shrinks

When you feel safe and supported, you are most likely to be able to cope with events that threaten to push you outside your window of tolerance. But when a stressful or traumatic event occurs, your window of tolerance may narrow or shrink. The narrower your window of tolerance, the more intense and difficult it may be to manage your emotions and moments of stress. As a result, you may react to minor stressors with a disproportionate response of hyper- or hypo-arousal. 

Traumatic events impact our ability to self-soothe and self-regulate. In other words, we are no longer able to comfort ourselves and reign in our emotions the way we are able to when we are within our window of tolerance. Trauma also changes our thoughts and beliefs, creating a new way of thinking and feeling that perpetuates the cycle of hyper- or hypo-arousal.

People who frequently operate outside their window of tolerance may be more likely to experience symptoms of depression (a state of extreme hypo-arousal) or anxiety (a state of extreme hyper-arousal). Someone who is often in a state of hyper-arousal due to a traumatic incident may develop post-traumatic stress disorder, or PTSD, leading them to experience flashbacks, nightmares, panic attacks, derealization and depersonalization. 

If you’re interested in some of our favorite body-based tools to regulate, Check Out This Link Here.

How to Manage Your Window of Tolerance

A trained somatic therapist can support you by beginning to identify your specific patterns of hyper- or hypo-arousal and can guide you through body-based techniques that can help you move from a more aroused state to a calmer state.  This process includes increasing awareness around when you are operating within your window versus when you are feeling dysregulated and outside of your window.  Some of these techniques include mindfulness, grounding and thought reframing.

how Mindfulness supports with emotional regulation

Mindfulness techniques encourage us to remain focused on the present moment, rather than living in the past or worrying about the future. Mindfulness practices can include meditation or deep breathing, as well as activities like listening to music, cooking or eating and practicing yoga. Anything can become a mindfulness practice if it is done with intention! Utilizing mindfulness in a therapy session can support you with learning how to regulate your nervous system and feel a sense of calm and ease within your body.

Grounding techniques and the window of tolerance

Grounding techniques also encourage you to stay rooted in the present moment, or grounded, by taking stock of the world around you. Here's an easy grounding exercise to try next time you feel like you might leave your window of tolerance: name five things you can see, four things you can hear, three things you can feel, two things you can smell and one thing you can taste. Using our senses helps us stay grounded in the present moment and can bring us back down to earth when we feel hyper- or hypo-aroused.  A therapist can support you in grounding when you begin to feel a heighten sense of arousal during session.

Thought Reframing to support emotional well-being

As we mentioned, traumatic events can generate thought patterns and beliefs that threaten to disrupt our well-being. For example, after hearing a verbally abusive partner's comments for long enough, a person may go on to believe that they are worthless and that no one will love them. Learning to examine the evidence for and against these thoughts can help you decide if these thoughts are worth listening to -- or whether they are negative beliefs shaped by your history.  Our therapists utilize a wide range of tools such as expressive arts, sand tray, role playing, movement, and other tools to explore both the conscious and subconscious thoughts or beliefs you may be holding.

Learning how to expanding your window of tolerance can be challenging to do by yourself. However, with the help of a qualified somatic therapist, you can learn to regulate your emotions and intentionally bring yourself back into your window whenever you are feeling stress or overwhelm.

THERAPY REFLECTIONS

1. How do you know when you are feeling anxious? What are some of the first physical signs that you notice?

2. How do you know when you are feeling down or depressed? What do you do or say to yourself when you’re feeling down?

3. What have you done in the past that has helped you feel better in those moments?

4. What are some of your go-to activities that help you when you’re feeling stress or overwhelm?

affirmations for healing

1. I am open to new experiences and embracing new opportunities.

2. I trust my intuition and follow my inner guidance.

3. I give myself permission to live in the present moment.

4. I am connected to the energy of the universe.

5. I have the power to create my own reality.

6. I am worthy and deserving of love, joy, abundance and inner peace.

**If you’re interested in expanding your knowledge on the Window of Tolerance and Emotional Regulation, check out these books below:

1. Widen the Window: Training Your Brain and Body to Thrive During Stress and Recover from Trauma by Elizabeth A. Stanley

2. The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-regulation

3. The Body Remembers: The Psychophysiology of Trauma and Trauma Treatment, by Babette Rothschild

4. The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy: Engaging the Rhythm of Regulation

5. The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma, by Bessel van der Kolk

6. Healing Developmental Trauma: How Early Trauma Affects Self-Regulation, Self-Image, and the Capacity for Relationship, by Laurence Heller

7. The Language of Emotions: What Your Feelings Are Trying to Tell You, by Karla McLaren

8. Nurturing Resilience: Helping Clients Move Forward from Developmental Trauma--An Integrative Somatic Approach

9. Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner's Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship, by Stan Tatkin

10. How to Do the Work: Recognize Your Patterns, Heal from Your Past, and Create Your Self

**Some product links are affiliate links, which means we'll receive a commission if you purchase through our link, at no extra cost to you. Please read full disclosure here.

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White Supremacy Culture: A Personal Journey towards Awareness and Accountability

by Ashley Gregory, LMFT

As a queer-identified, able-bodied and cisgendered woman with class and race privilege, I strive to prioritize naming how social locations shape the ways we move and show up in our lives. I believe those of us with privilege(s) are presented with opportunities to examine our values and actions with honesty, humility and openness. My hope with this imperfect piece is to enliven anti-racist study and exploration. Focusing on racial formation and white supremacy culture in this writing is intentional, however, is not meant to downplay or discount the role of intersecting categories of gender, sexual orientation, ability, nationality/immigration status, age, class or religion. In upcoming pieces, I will discuss interlocking systems of privilege and oppression, the origins of identity politics and delve deeper into white supremacy culture. 

Defining Terms

White supremacy culture is the idea (ideology) that white people and the ideas, thoughts, beliefs, and actions of white people are superior to People of Color and their ideas, thoughts, beliefs, and actions.

White supremacy culture is an artificial, historically constructed culture which expresses, justifies and binds together the United States white supremacy system. It is the glue that binds together white-controlled institutions into systems and white-controlled systems into the global white supremacy system. [from Sharon Martinas and the Challenging White Supremacy Workshop] (1)

Unearthing My Privilege

I didn’t grow up wanting to be a psychotherapist. As far back as I can remember, I’ve loved dinosaurs. The movie Jurassic Park came out in 1993, but I am almost positive I knew the word “paleontologist” before then. I remember sitting in a ditch, filling a small plastic tube--the ones used to hold a single rose--with dirt. I grew up going to museums, zoos and libraries. I saw people who looked like me, white and sometimes women, in positions of authority, which gave me a sense of choice and possibility. My life reflected the race, class, citizenship and gender-conforming privileges of my family, privileges with violent histories. 

My Unspoken Questions About Privilege

As a child, messages about cultural acceptance were confusing at best. My Southern California elementary school had a “Multicultural Day” every year where we learned about celebrations and food from around the world. At the same time, I didn’t understand why people around me were so angry when families came to the United States from Mexico. Many of my classmates were from Mexico and Latin America. There were palpable rifts in the process of making friends. There were also moments of possibility. I remember proudly singing songs in Spanish, dressed up as a fairy in a musical production of “Hansel and Gretel.” Something changed in my fourth grade year when suddenly we weren’t speaking Spanish anymore at school. Instead, we focused on glorifying the genocidal California Mission system. Nationalism, racism and xenophobia prevailed and the rift became an abyss. As I look back, there were moments when a part of me felt uneasy and had questions about the messages I heard from the media, from family members and at school about my classmates and their families, yet I wasn’t even sure how to form the words.

Getting Uncomfortable Answers About White Supremacy Culture

Those gut-wrenching “something is wrong here” sensations continued, building up as my home life became increasingly scary and unpredictable. Ultimately, my privilege gave me the opportunity to understand my privilege. The private high school I went to effectively prepared me to attend a state college. My intention was to become a wildlife biologist. Barely a semester into college, that plan began to unravel. Too many questions went unanswered. My first sociology class was like a gateway drug. I needed to understand and Ethnic Studies made the most sense of the world. Native American Studies, Ethnic Studies including Black, Latinx and Asian-American Studies and Women’s Studies arose out of demands for higher education to prioritize the knowledge and experiences within these communities. What I learned was shocking, disorienting and powerful. Coming to terms with having been lied to all your life is overwhelming. Where to direct all the anger, sadness and guilt? Part of my answer was--and is-- to stay committed to understanding, reflecting and acting. 

Why Race was Invented

In their pivotal text Racial Formation in the United States, Omi and Winant stress that “the emergence of a modern conception of race does not occur until the rise of Europe and the arrival of Europeans in the Americas” (2, p.61). When power-hungry European businessmen  came into contact with indigenous civilizations, they found a way to justify mass murder by religious doctrine. Later, when conditions in the United States changed, “European colonial powers established “white” as a legal concept in 1676 after Bacon’s Rebellion, during which indentured servants of European and African descent united against the colonial elite” (3, p.125). Then the wealthy European settler-colonialists gave “white” servants privileges, like land, access to guns and the ability to form militias, effectively squashing the possibility of overthrowing them. Laws made by the wealthy for the wealthy changed the once shared conditions of people from different geographic locations (4). Hence, race is an ever-changing category, created to maintain wealth and power for social, political and economic purposes, enshrined in every aspect of society. 

Understanding The Smog of Cultural Racism

As Beverly Daniel Tatum explains in her book Why are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria? (5), “cultural racism” is a part of our collective experience because it is “like smog in the air.”  This smog is made up of “the cultural images and messages that affirm the assumed superiority of Whites and the assumed inferiority of people of color” (p.6). Dr. Daniel Tatum offers countless examples of the ways in which these unspoken and direct messages, from very early in life, shape identity development. In other words, the smog of cultural racism creates the conditions of how we understand ourselves and one another. 

Taking it Personal: Reflections to Consider

• How have you noticed the social/political/economic categories of race shift in your lifetime?

• What does the “smog” represent to you? 

• How does the smog of cultural racism show up in your life?

• What does it mean to be aware of white supremacy culture?
  
  

There are no swift solutions to doing the work of acknowledging privilege. It is an engaged process of openness to unknown and uncomfortable experiences. Over and over, mistakes will be made. What do you need to keep going? 

In my client-centered work, I strive to maintain an awareness and respect for personal experiences and intersectional identities. I believe healing happens in powerful community action and when we invite ourselves to be fully honest and aware. 

~ Ashley

For more resources and ideas on where to begin/continue:

White Awake     
White Awake is an online platform and nonprofit organization focused on popular education for people who are classified as “white”. We believe this is important because white people are socialized, and awarded limited types of privilege, to align ourselves with the capitalist, ruling class at everybody’s expense. White Awake addresses the particularities of white racial socialization with tools and resources that prioritizes spiritual practice, emotional process, compassion, and curiosity alongside historical analysis and intellectual rigor. 
https://whiteawake.org

Catalyst ProjectCatalyst Project helps to build powerful multiracial movements that can win collective liberation. In the service of this vision, we organize, train and mentor white people to take collective action to end racism, war and empire, and to support efforts to build power in working-class communities of color.
https://collectiveliberation.org

Showing Up for Racial Justice (SURJ)SURJ’s role as part of a multi-racial movement is to undermine white support for white supremacy and to help build a racially-just society. That work cannot be done in isolation from or disconnected from the powerful leadership of communities of color. It is one part of a multi-racial, cross-class movement centering the leadership of people of color. Therefore, SURJ believes in resourcing organizing led by people of color, and maintaining strong accountability relationships with organizers and communities of color as a central part of our theory of change.
https://www.showingupforracialjustice.org

*The film 13th on Netflix by Ava DuVernay: explores the "intersection of race, justice, and mass incarceration in the United States;" it is titled after the Thirteenth Amendment to the United States Constitution, adopted in 1865, which abolished slavery throughout the United States and ended involuntary servitude except as a punishment for conviction of a crime. (https://www.avaduvernay.com/13th/)

*Support: The Sogorea Te Land Trust is an urban Indigenous women-led community organization that facilitates the return of Chochenyo and Karkin Ohlone lands in the San Francisco Bay Area to Indigenous stewardship. Sogorea Te creates opportunities for all people living in Ohlone territory to work together to re-envision the Bay Area community and what it means to live on Ohlone land. Guided by the belief that land is the foundation that can bring us together, Sogorea Te calls on us all to heal from the legacies of colonialism and genocide, to remember different ways of living, and to do the work that our ancestors and future generations are calling us to do. https://sogoreate-landtrust.org/

1.  https://www.dismantlingracism.org/

2. Racial Formation in the United States: From the 1960’s to the 1990’s. Michael Omi and Howard Winant.(1994)

3. Ideas for Action: Relevant Theory for Radical Change. Cynthia Kaufman. (2003)

4. What is White Supremacy? By Elizabeth “Betita” Martinez

   http://www.pittsburghartscouncil.org/storage/documents/ProfDev/what-is-white-supremacy.pdf

5. Beverly Daniel Tatum. Why Are All the White Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria?: And other Conversations About Race. (1997)