Practical Ways to Cope with Political Threats to Women's Rights

by Melody Wright, LMFT

The recent threats against Roe vs. Wade have made many women feel as though their bodies, rights, and reproductive health are under attack. While this may not be the first time that women have felt personally affected by a potential impact on our current rights and access to reproductive health care, it feels increasingly difficult to cope with politically-driven threats after all that has occurred in this country over the last couple of years. Decisions related, but not limited to, the Covid pandemic, women’s rights, and immigrant’s rights have all been highly politicized, to the point where one can feel that decisions are being made for us solely based on a political agenda that may not align with our needs or opinions. This can leave many women feeling concerned and overwhelmed by the prospect of losing rights that are strongly advocated for. 

Watching constant news updates regarding the political threats against women’s rights can leave you feeling powerless and concerned for the future. If you feel a calling to help advocate for women’s rights in order to cope with the current challenges posed by the political landscape, here are some ways you can do that:

• Volunteer: Look up your local women’s right organization and contact them to see if they have any open volunteer opportunities. This can also be an opportunity to learn more about women’s rights, and help you feel like you are making a positive impact in your community. 

• Speak up: Whether you choose to post about causes that you support on your social media platforms, or write and send letters to your local government representative, using your voice can be a powerful tool to help amplify other women’s voices. 

• Participate in a march or protest: Whenever safe, participating in marches or protests can be a great way to stand up and march for what you believe in. 

• Donate: If you have the resources available, donating to women’s rights organizations is a great way to show your support. This can also be a better fit if you feel that you are not able to donate your time in the way of volunteer work or participation in protests. 

• Self-care, self-care, self-care: Advocacy and activism can be hard work. This holds especially true when you are personally invested in the reasons behind your advocacy. It is important that you prioritize caring for yourself and meeting your needs when doing this kind of work. Whether it’s limiting the amount of time you spend watching the news, or taking time off of work when you feel burnt out, make sure you are intentional about incorporating different self-care strategies and practices into your daily routine. 

You may or may not be ready to participate in activism related to women’s rights, but you can be an advocate for your individual health and wellbeing. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed or unable to cope with the current political landscape and its impact on women’s rights, it may be a good time to schedule an appointment with a therapist. The therapists at Life By Design can help you create strategies to address your current intake of daily news, support any feelings of frustration you may currently be experiencing, or provide you with avenues to channel your views of current politics. We encourage you to book a phone consultation today for more information. 

Unveiling the Path to Clarity: Understanding the Importance of Boundaries

by Ashley Gregory, LMFT

“Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously.” --Prentis Hemphill

Boundary Beginnings

For me, the term “boundaries” did not become a part of my regular vocabulary until graduate school. This may be partially explained by the fact that I cannot recall having explicit conversations about the meaning of personal boundaries as a child. What I do remember are the places I was told I was not allowed to go, like beyond the borders of the complex where my cousins and I lived. On at least one occasion, as children do, I tested those limitations. The consequence for which left a red handprint on my backside.  

Boundaries maintain one’s sense of safety and autonomy. As such, experiences of abuse and trauma are boundary violations which often dramatically shifts one’s perception of their external and internal boundary systems. 

The Two Parts of External Boundaries

As children we learn about boundaries from our caregivers, from those around us and from our cultural context. While we may not be talked to outright about how boundaries exist in our world, we are immersed in lessons about them. Pia Mellody, author of Facing Codependency, identifies two boundary systems: external and internal. Body boundaries are an example of our external boundary system. These boundaries are our personal space bubbles and are composed of two parts--physical and sexual. External boundaries protect you and those around you, both giving you a sense of when you begin and end as well as an ability to consider the safety and needs of others (Mellody, 11). Someone with intact physical boundaries is able to understand another person’s need for space or their preferences around touch. They would also be able to communicate their own needs to others. Similarly, an example of intact sexual boundaries is an awareness of what you are and are not comfortable doing sexually as well as being able to share your needs and preferences regarding sexual contact with others. 

What are Internal Boundaries? 

The other kind of boundary system identified by Mellody are internal boundaries. Having intact internal boundaries means that “we can take responsibility for our thinking, feelings, and behavior and keep them separate from others, and stop blaming them for what we think, feel and do (Mellody, 12).” On the other hand, when internal boundaries are impaired, one person may blame another for their feelings, thoughts or behaviors, leading to shame, manipulation or even serious harm. Mellody goes on to explain that internal boundaries may be mostly intact, however, in certain situations may be damaged. Someone may, for example, be able to convey their need for choice with their partner but have trouble doing so with their caregivers. Acknowledging and honoring our internal boundaries is a commitment and on-going process. 

Power and Boundaries 

Crossing the internal boundaries of others is a deeply entrenched practice in our world which takes many forms within relationships and societal systems (think schools, workplaces, legal, etc). For example, heinous acts of violence have been justified using the LGBTQ+ “panic” defense.* This legal strategy claims that a person’s sexual identity or gender identity/expression caused another person so much distress that a reasonable response was to seriously injure or kill them. Clearly, boundaries are inextricably linked to legacies of deep power imbalances. 

Adultism* is another example of normalized boundary violations. Children and youth are systematically discriminated against because of their age. Young people are afforded less respect and consideration than people who are considered adults. Seemingly innocuous transgressions act to re-create harmful behaviors and beliefs about personal boundaries. Adults invading a young person’s space without permission, dismissing their needs or being subject to punishment without cause. Importantly, adultism intersects with racism, sexism, classism, ableism, heterosexism and cisgenderism.* In other words, a transgender young person of color faces different and compounding harms than a white cisgender youth. 

Boundary Work in Therapy

Embodying our own boundaries lends to respecting the boundaries of others. Therapy may be a place for you to work through, and find ways to let go of, regretful moments or unhelpful patterns involving the boundaries of others. This is imperative work for all of us and of particular urgency for many. Building a trusting relationship with a therapist can offer profound experiences in getting a deeper sense of your internal and external boundary systems. 

*For more information on the LGBTQ+ “panic” defense, see https://lgbtbar.org/programs/advocacy/gay-trans-panic-defense/

*For more information about adultism: https://www.youthrights.org/blog/understanding-adultism/

*Cisgenderism: “Cisgenderism refers to the cultural and systemic ideology that denies, denigrates, or pathologizes  self-identified gender identities that do not align with assigned gender at birth as well as resulting behavior, expression, and community. This ideology endorses and perpetuates the belief that cisgender identities and expression are to be valued more than transgender identities and expression and creates an inherent system of associated power and privilege. The presence of cisgenderism exists in many cultural institutions, including language and the law, and consequently enables prejudice and discrimination against the transgender community.”

(https://read.dukeupress.edu/tsq/article/1/1-2/63/92024/Cisgenderism)

Embracing Complexity: Challenging Individualism and Embracing Intersectional Perspectives

by Ashley Gregory, LMFT

White Supremacy Culture: Insidious Individualism 

I can recall many times throughout my work with foster system-involved youth of color when I have heard the phrase, “I don’t mean to be racist, but white people…” What they speak to next is often a painful experience; one of being dismissed, harassed or blamed. In these moments, I honestly appreciate that this young person has shared their perspective with me. I usually respond with, “First, it’s okay to talk about race and white privilege, that doesn’t mean you're racist,” followed by listening, empathy and validation while at the same time acknowledging the limitations inherent in my own understanding and experience. Many of the youth I have been fortunate enough to work with are exposed to the same media representations that the rest of us have. The message is that bringing up race is the same as being racist. Talking about white privilege is discouraged in this society because acknowledging white supremacy undermines present day policies and practices. The culture of white supremacy stays intact by ahistorical means. Instead of connecting the dots between slavery and the prison system, for example, Black youth are labeled “superpredators,” “thugs” or “gang members.” This kind of thinking keeps the focus off of systems of oppression and privilege, placing blame instead on individual behavior. As a result, in a mind-boggling and heart-wrenching way, the very youth who experience racist violence are saddled with the internalized weight of possibly being seen as racist. 

Everyone Has A Social Location

I describe myself as an able-bodied, queer and cisgendered woman with race and class privilege. I do this because our unique identities matter. I do this because naming and framing the ways each of our experiences shows up in our relationships is key to building trust. 

There are aspects of someone’s social location which are perceived from those outside of one’s self, the parts of us that society has rigid standards around, like someone’s perceived ability. Noticing that someone uses a wheelchair, for example. Then there are those which are not perceived or known explicitly unless that person reveals them. For example, someone who grew up without access to adequate housing or enough food. There are countless examples of the ways in which our social locations create the lenses through which we see the world. Your personal map, or frame, may include: age, size and shape, involvement with different systems (such as the legal system), religion/spirituality, family history, socio-economic class background and current class status, racial, ethnic and cultural identities, SOGIE (sexual orientation, gender identity and expression), HIV status, educational level, disabilities (both perceived and experienced), mental health, support networks, trauma history, language, immigration status, work history and experiences with discrimination and oppression (beFIERCE!). 

What is important to remember is that frames are not neutral. Imagine another map or frame placed on top of your personal one. This second frame reflects the prevailing power dynamics in a society. In other words: who has access to the most time, space or money? Who is seen as an authority figure? Who gets their needs most consistently met? For whom are our neighborhoods built around? For many people, especially for those who receive the most institutionalized privilege within a given society, navigating the complexities of identity creates discomfort. Confronting the relationship between histories of oppression and one’s individual experiences may be simultaneously very uncomfortable and incredibly liberating. 

The Personal Has Always Been Political

Getting honest about social location opens the possibility for empathy, understanding and transformation in part because it means getting clear about the connection between the “personal” and “political.” Black feminists working to end racism, sexism, homophobia and classism broke open the illusion of separateness between daily life and the political arena. In 1977, “The Combahee River Collective Statement” gave rise to the term “identity politics.” In their statement, collective members discuss how their own complex identities reflect “interlocking” systems of oppression. As Black lesbians, collective members highlighted the impossibility of fighting dehumanization from one identity at a time. Consequently, they point out that “If Black women were free, it would mean that everyone else would have to be free since our freedom would necessitate the destruction of all the systems of oppression.” Honoring the lives of activists, artists, writers, educators and healers existing within intersecting oppressions brings clarity to the fight for justice. Marsha P. Johnson and Sylvia Rivera, for example, are remembered for resisting racism, classism, homophobia and cisgendered privilege as manifest in the New York City police department as warriors in the 1969 Stonewall Rebellion. By being unabashedly themselves, they ignited a movement. 

Finding Your Frame: Mapping Your Social Location

Naming your frame is part of an on-going and life-long process. It is a process of connecting with yourself in an effort to understand how you are a part of everyone’s shared stories and experiences. For additional resources and guides as to how to further understand your frame, please see the resources below. 

Using the categories underlined above, what does your intersectional frame look like? 

Which parts of your social location have you pushed away?

Which parts of your social location have you embraced?

How has your social location connected you?

How has your social location isolated you?

References & Resources
beFIERCE!: A Toolkit for Providers Working with LGBTQ Foster Youth by Stephanie Perron, LCSW. (2015)

The Combahee River Collective Statement. http://circuitous.org/scraps/combahee.html

The Cisgender Privilege Checklist. https://wou.edu/wp/safezone/files/2014/06/The-Cisgender-Privilege-Checklist1.pdf

Tema Okun. “White Supremacy Culture.” https://collectiveliberation.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/White_Supremacy_Culture_Okun.pdf

Paul Kivel. “The Costs of Racism to White People.” Paul Kivel outlines the social, spiritual and emotional costs of privilege within a racist culture in his piece “The Costs of Racism to White People.” https://www.collectiveliberation.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/Kivel_Costs_of_Racism_to_White_People.pdf

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White Supremacy Culture: A Personal Journey towards Awareness and Accountability

by Ashley Gregory, LMFT

As a queer-identified, able-bodied and cisgendered woman with class and race privilege, I strive to prioritize naming how social locations shape the ways we move and show up in our lives. I believe those of us with privilege(s) are presented with opportunities to examine our values and actions with honesty, humility and openness. My hope with this imperfect piece is to enliven anti-racist study and exploration. Focusing on racial formation and white supremacy culture in this writing is intentional, however, is not meant to downplay or discount the role of intersecting categories of gender, sexual orientation, ability, nationality/immigration status, age, class or religion. In upcoming pieces, I will discuss interlocking systems of privilege and oppression, the origins of identity politics and delve deeper into white supremacy culture. 

Defining Terms

White supremacy culture is the idea (ideology) that white people and the ideas, thoughts, beliefs, and actions of white people are superior to People of Color and their ideas, thoughts, beliefs, and actions.

White supremacy culture is an artificial, historically constructed culture which expresses, justifies and binds together the United States white supremacy system. It is the glue that binds together white-controlled institutions into systems and white-controlled systems into the global white supremacy system. [from Sharon Martinas and the Challenging White Supremacy Workshop] (1)

Unearthing My Privilege

I didn’t grow up wanting to be a psychotherapist. As far back as I can remember, I’ve loved dinosaurs. The movie Jurassic Park came out in 1993, but I am almost positive I knew the word “paleontologist” before then. I remember sitting in a ditch, filling a small plastic tube--the ones used to hold a single rose--with dirt. I grew up going to museums, zoos and libraries. I saw people who looked like me, white and sometimes women, in positions of authority, which gave me a sense of choice and possibility. My life reflected the race, class, citizenship and gender-conforming privileges of my family, privileges with violent histories. 

My Unspoken Questions About Privilege

As a child, messages about cultural acceptance were confusing at best. My Southern California elementary school had a “Multicultural Day” every year where we learned about celebrations and food from around the world. At the same time, I didn’t understand why people around me were so angry when families came to the United States from Mexico. Many of my classmates were from Mexico and Latin America. There were palpable rifts in the process of making friends. There were also moments of possibility. I remember proudly singing songs in Spanish, dressed up as a fairy in a musical production of “Hansel and Gretel.” Something changed in my fourth grade year when suddenly we weren’t speaking Spanish anymore at school. Instead, we focused on glorifying the genocidal California Mission system. Nationalism, racism and xenophobia prevailed and the rift became an abyss. As I look back, there were moments when a part of me felt uneasy and had questions about the messages I heard from the media, from family members and at school about my classmates and their families, yet I wasn’t even sure how to form the words.

Getting Uncomfortable Answers About White Supremacy Culture

Those gut-wrenching “something is wrong here” sensations continued, building up as my home life became increasingly scary and unpredictable. Ultimately, my privilege gave me the opportunity to understand my privilege. The private high school I went to effectively prepared me to attend a state college. My intention was to become a wildlife biologist. Barely a semester into college, that plan began to unravel. Too many questions went unanswered. My first sociology class was like a gateway drug. I needed to understand and Ethnic Studies made the most sense of the world. Native American Studies, Ethnic Studies including Black, Latinx and Asian-American Studies and Women’s Studies arose out of demands for higher education to prioritize the knowledge and experiences within these communities. What I learned was shocking, disorienting and powerful. Coming to terms with having been lied to all your life is overwhelming. Where to direct all the anger, sadness and guilt? Part of my answer was--and is-- to stay committed to understanding, reflecting and acting. 

Why Race was Invented

In their pivotal text Racial Formation in the United States, Omi and Winant stress that “the emergence of a modern conception of race does not occur until the rise of Europe and the arrival of Europeans in the Americas” (2, p.61). When power-hungry European businessmen  came into contact with indigenous civilizations, they found a way to justify mass murder by religious doctrine. Later, when conditions in the United States changed, “European colonial powers established “white” as a legal concept in 1676 after Bacon’s Rebellion, during which indentured servants of European and African descent united against the colonial elite” (3, p.125). Then the wealthy European settler-colonialists gave “white” servants privileges, like land, access to guns and the ability to form militias, effectively squashing the possibility of overthrowing them. Laws made by the wealthy for the wealthy changed the once shared conditions of people from different geographic locations (4). Hence, race is an ever-changing category, created to maintain wealth and power for social, political and economic purposes, enshrined in every aspect of society. 

Understanding The Smog of Cultural Racism

As Beverly Daniel Tatum explains in her book Why are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria? (5), “cultural racism” is a part of our collective experience because it is “like smog in the air.”  This smog is made up of “the cultural images and messages that affirm the assumed superiority of Whites and the assumed inferiority of people of color” (p.6). Dr. Daniel Tatum offers countless examples of the ways in which these unspoken and direct messages, from very early in life, shape identity development. In other words, the smog of cultural racism creates the conditions of how we understand ourselves and one another. 

Taking it Personal: Reflections to Consider

• How have you noticed the social/political/economic categories of race shift in your lifetime?

• What does the “smog” represent to you? 

• How does the smog of cultural racism show up in your life?

• What does it mean to be aware of white supremacy culture?
  
  

There are no swift solutions to doing the work of acknowledging privilege. It is an engaged process of openness to unknown and uncomfortable experiences. Over and over, mistakes will be made. What do you need to keep going? 

In my client-centered work, I strive to maintain an awareness and respect for personal experiences and intersectional identities. I believe healing happens in powerful community action and when we invite ourselves to be fully honest and aware. 

~ Ashley

For more resources and ideas on where to begin/continue:

White Awake     
White Awake is an online platform and nonprofit organization focused on popular education for people who are classified as “white”. We believe this is important because white people are socialized, and awarded limited types of privilege, to align ourselves with the capitalist, ruling class at everybody’s expense. White Awake addresses the particularities of white racial socialization with tools and resources that prioritizes spiritual practice, emotional process, compassion, and curiosity alongside historical analysis and intellectual rigor. 
https://whiteawake.org

Catalyst ProjectCatalyst Project helps to build powerful multiracial movements that can win collective liberation. In the service of this vision, we organize, train and mentor white people to take collective action to end racism, war and empire, and to support efforts to build power in working-class communities of color.
https://collectiveliberation.org

Showing Up for Racial Justice (SURJ)SURJ’s role as part of a multi-racial movement is to undermine white support for white supremacy and to help build a racially-just society. That work cannot be done in isolation from or disconnected from the powerful leadership of communities of color. It is one part of a multi-racial, cross-class movement centering the leadership of people of color. Therefore, SURJ believes in resourcing organizing led by people of color, and maintaining strong accountability relationships with organizers and communities of color as a central part of our theory of change.
https://www.showingupforracialjustice.org

*The film 13th on Netflix by Ava DuVernay: explores the "intersection of race, justice, and mass incarceration in the United States;" it is titled after the Thirteenth Amendment to the United States Constitution, adopted in 1865, which abolished slavery throughout the United States and ended involuntary servitude except as a punishment for conviction of a crime. (https://www.avaduvernay.com/13th/)

*Support: The Sogorea Te Land Trust is an urban Indigenous women-led community organization that facilitates the return of Chochenyo and Karkin Ohlone lands in the San Francisco Bay Area to Indigenous stewardship. Sogorea Te creates opportunities for all people living in Ohlone territory to work together to re-envision the Bay Area community and what it means to live on Ohlone land. Guided by the belief that land is the foundation that can bring us together, Sogorea Te calls on us all to heal from the legacies of colonialism and genocide, to remember different ways of living, and to do the work that our ancestors and future generations are calling us to do. https://sogoreate-landtrust.org/

1.  https://www.dismantlingracism.org/

2. Racial Formation in the United States: From the 1960’s to the 1990’s. Michael Omi and Howard Winant.(1994)

3. Ideas for Action: Relevant Theory for Radical Change. Cynthia Kaufman. (2003)

4. What is White Supremacy? By Elizabeth “Betita” Martinez

   http://www.pittsburghartscouncil.org/storage/documents/ProfDev/what-is-white-supremacy.pdf

5. Beverly Daniel Tatum. Why Are All the White Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria?: And other Conversations About Race. (1997)