How to Support Your Teen with Their Depression

By Melody Wright, LMFT

As our children grow into teenagers, they go through many changes that can challenge even the most well-intentioned parents. Some teens deal with pressures with a few difficulties while other teens present symptoms of depression. When parents reach out to their struggling teens, this may lead to a negative outcome to what they intended was support.

While teens are known for their moody and unpredictable behaviors, it is important to distinguish between typical teen behavior and teen depression.

WHAT ARE THE COMMON CONTRIBUTIONS TO TEEN DEPRESSION?

The first step in dealing with a teen who may have depression is to understand what contributes to teen depression.

• Lacks self-esteem – May not accept compliments or is defensive when you offer help.

• Bullying at school – Makes comments about altercations with other students or skipping classes to avoid the ones who bully.

• Struggles to fit in with peers and dealing with peer pressure.

• May believe parents do not understand – Comments are, “You just don’t get it.” Or “Everything is fine.”

• Sibling rivalry at home or constantly being compared.

• Frustration with teachers and not feeling supported.

• Navigating their identity and sexuality

• Changes in their body and self-image.

• Exhibiting anxiety about their future from high expectations around academics.

If you suspect your teen is suffering from depression and you offer help, do not take it personally if they are not open to your support.

DAILY STRESS FOR TEENS

Things such as fitting in with peers can play a significant role in their view of how important they are.  If your teen is struggling with bullying, this quantifies these inferior feelings on a large scale. Children with a learning disorder may get made fun of in class, or more in the locker room, the playground, the bus, or gym when teachers are not present. 

If an older sibling at home picks on them, this creates more stress and feelings of low self-worth.  Even younger siblings can generate aggravation in your teen. Frequent fighting among siblings heightens stress levels for teens and other family members as well. 

At school, some teachers may not be as understanding of each teen.  Or maybe there is a subject your child is not fond of, and they associate the issue with the teacher and may skip class.  

With the physiological changes inside their bodies, the additional stresses at school and cultural norms combined is the perfect storm for any teen to navigate.  No matter what your child is facing, you as their parent are their most significant source of support, understanding, and direction. As much as teens may reject help, a parent must remain reliable, consistent, and understanding.  

COMMON SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS TO LOOK FOR WITH TEEN DEPRESSION

• Intense emotions (crying spells, angry outbursts, a constant expression of annoyance and frustration) that may appear for no apparent reason.

• They lose interest in previous activities.

• Isolation from friends and family.

• They feel worthless.

• Extremely self-critical or self-blaming.

• Sleeping a lot, having low energy, or continually feeling tired.

• Self-harming behaviors like cutting.

• Acting out or using drugs and alcohol.

• Conflict with friends or family.

• They give less attention to their appearance, including hygiene.

• Struggling academically and having frequent absences.

• Complaints of physical pain such as headaches or body pains.

WHAT YOU CAN DO TODAY TO SUPPORT YOUR TEEN

Let your teen know that you love and accept them no matter what. If your teen is struggling to open up, try in the car, at the table during a meal or when just spending time with them, talk about insignificant subjects at first. Some teens are more receptive in this manner.

When they shut down, let them know you are there when they are ready to talk and don’t take it personally when they won’t. Have more casual conversations with your teen and show an interest in what they share with you for more insight into what is on their minds. Practice the art of active listening. As parents, we may be quick to fix their problems or tell them to get over it. Sometimes lending your ear can mean the world of difference to them.

Ask what areas you can help with for more support. Sometimes teens have a difficult time asking for help or are unsure how to bring it up. Instead of assuming they have it all figured out, keep checking in and asking.

HELPING TEEN DEPRESSION WITH THERAPY

If you’re concerned about your teen, talk to them about it. You need not wait until their symptoms get worse; reach out to a therapist. Our holistic and somatic therapists at Life By Design Therapy are experienced in the struggles for today’s teens. We can provide a safe place for your teen to explore and better understand their struggles with depression. Having this additional point of view will give a better understanding so you can bridge the gaps in the communication and help your teen through their depression. Contact us today for an appointment in Berkeley or Richmond, California.

THERAPY REFLECTIONS

1. What can you do today to show your teen you are available?
2. When was the last time you spent quality time alone with just you and your teen?
3. Have you noticed any of the signs of teen depression in your teen?
4. Are there any conversations you are uncomfortable having with your teen?
5. Are there any emotions your teen exhibits that may trigger you and make it more difficult for you to be present with them?
6. What can you do more of that will show your teen you care about them and love them unconditionally?

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Maximizing Your Therapeutic Journey: Strategies to Optimize the Benefits of Therapy

By Melody Wright, LMFT

So you’ve made your first therapy appointment with one of our holistic therapists at Life by Design Therapy, and it’s coming up fast. Or perhaps you’re trying to decide about making this first step. You’re ready to improve your life, divulge your hidden thoughts, do all the inner work, and come out the other side making positive steps toward the life of your dreams.

To get the most out of your therapy sessions, there are a few key session habits that can make all the difference. Following these will keep you out of the common pitfalls that are typically experienced along the way.

HAVE GOALS IN MIND

To know you are healed, you have to know your definition of healed. This answer can be different for every person. To some people, this may be no longer being affected by relationship trauma. To other people, this may be finally getting your dream job or at least pinpointing what it is. While it’s okay to start without knowing these goals, you (perhaps with the help of your therapist) will want to know your ultimate goal, so you have a gauge of when you no longer need therapy.

BEING OPEN TO THE PROCESS

Healing and personal growth are rarely straight roads. Your therapist may help you realize strengths in yourself which help you deal with triggers, overwhelming anxiety or depression, relationship wounds, or negative thought patterns that you didn’t know would help. These initial actions may help tremendously for a few weeks, but may then need to be changed as more of your past surfaces. For others, you may read assigned books and do the exercises that help you find your passion, then somewhere along the way recognize something about that career that causes you to go in another direction.

The journey is rarely straightforward. None of the effort goes wasted, either. The arising circumstances show you many facets of your inner growth.

SHOWING UP CONSISTENTLY

There may be days along the way when you believe it’s not worth driving to your appointment. Although skipping may sound like a great solution in the moment, it almost never is. People usually skip their appointment when they don’t think they need any more help, when they think they’re just going to talk about the same things as the previous week or when they feel so bad they don’t think anyone can help.

Continuing to come no matter what is extremely important. You may think your life is figured out when it isn’t. Then, soon after, life throws a curveball. You might not be able to fit back into your therapist’s schedule if you passed on your usual spot.

It’s important to know that you are never wasting your therapist’s time. If you think you no longer need help, show up anyway and discuss it together. Also, know it’s perfectly fine to discuss last week’s problems again. Your therapist can help you by helping you work through things in a different way than last time. Letting your therapist know what’s not working can better your results. This way, your therapist can tailor your sessions to your changing needs or struggles.

And your situation is never without hope. When you’ve reached a rock bottom is the time to rely on the professional help you’re avoiding.

While it may be hard, it’s vital to come in no matter what.  

SPEAK UP BEFORE ENDING THERAPY

One step further than missing an appointment is deciding you’re through altogether. If you decide you’re done without the agreement of your therapist, there’s a big chance you are missing an important piece of healing. Your therapist wants you to reach your session goals just as much as you do.

If you are tempted to end therapy, bring it up to your therapist. They can enlighten you as to why it’s important for you to continue.

Thankfully nowadays, the need for help is becoming more and more accepted. Now is one of the best times in history to receive help. To get the most out of this opportunity, these four basic steps help tremendously. Showing up is often half the battle and continuing on the therapy path even when it doesn’t feel right is crucial as well. Our therapists at Life by Design Therapy are ready to support your therapy process!

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