By Melody Wright, LMFT
As our children grow into teenagers, they go through many changes that can challenge even the most well-intentioned parents. Some teens deal with pressures with a few difficulties while other teens present symptoms of depression. When parents reach out to their struggling teens, this may lead to a negative outcome to what they intended was support.
While teens are known for their moody and unpredictable behaviors, it is important to distinguish between typical teen behavior and teen depression.
WHAT ARE THE COMMON CONTRIBUTIONS TO TEEN DEPRESSION?
The first step in dealing with a teen who may have depression is to understand what contributes to teen depression.
Lacks self-esteem – May not accept compliments or is defensive when you offer help.
Bullying at school – Makes comments about altercations with other students or skipping classes to avoid the ones who bully.
Struggles to fit in with peers and dealing with peer pressure.
May believe parents do not understand – Comments are, “You just don’t get it.” Or “Everything is fine.”
Sibling rivalry at home or constantly being compared.
Frustration with teachers and not feeling supported.
Navigating their identity and sexuality
Changes in their body and self-image.
Exhibiting anxiety about their future from high expectations around academics.
If you suspect your teen is suffering from depression and you offer help, do not take it personally if they are not open to your support.
DAILY STRESS FOR TEENS
Things such as fitting in with peers can play a significant role in their view of how important they are. If your teen is struggling with bullying, this quantifies these inferior feelings on a large scale. Children with a learning disorder may get made fun of in class, or more in the locker room, the playground, the bus, or gym when teachers are not present.
If an older sibling at home picks on them, this creates more stress and feelings of low self-worth. Even younger siblings can generate aggravation in your teen. Frequent fighting among siblings heightens stress levels for teens and other family members as well.
At school, some teachers may not be as understanding of each teen. Or maybe there is a subject your child is not fond of, and they associate the issue with the teacher and may skip class.
With the physiological changes inside their bodies, the additional stresses at school and cultural norms combined is the perfect storm for any teen to navigate. No matter what your child is facing, you as their parent are their most significant source of support, understanding, and direction. As much as teens may reject help, a parent must remain reliable, consistent, and understanding.
COMMON SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS TO LOOK FOR WITH TEEN DEPRESSION
Intense emotions (crying spells, angry outbursts, a constant expression of annoyance and frustration) that may appear for no apparent reason.
They lose interest in previous activities.
Isolation from friends and family.
They feel worthless.
Extremely self-critical or self-blaming.
Sleeping a lot, having low energy, or continually feeling tired.
Self-harming behaviors like cutting.
Acting out or using drugs and alcohol.
Conflict with friends or family.
They give less attention to their appearance, including hygiene.
Struggling academically and having frequent absences.
Complaints of physical pain such as headaches or body pains.
WHAT YOU CAN DO TODAY TO SUPPORT YOUR TEEN
Let your teen know that you love and accept them no matter what. If your teen is struggling to open up, try in the car, at the table during a meal or when just spending time with them, talk about insignificant subjects at first. Some teens are more receptive in this manner.
When they shut down, let them know you are there when they are ready to talk and don’t take it personally when they won’t. Have more casual conversations with your teen and show an interest in what they share with you for more insight into what is on their minds. Practice the art of active listening. As parents, we may be quick to fix their problems or tell them to get over it. Sometimes lending your ear can mean the world of difference to them.
Ask what areas you can help with for more support. Sometimes teens have a difficult time asking for help or are unsure how to bring it up. Instead of assuming they have it all figured out, keep checking in and asking.
HELPING TEEN DEPRESSION WITH THERAPY
If you’re concerned about your teen, talk to them about it. You need not wait until their symptoms get worse; reach out to a therapist. Our holistic and somatic therapists at Life By Design Therapy are experienced in the struggles for today’s teens. We can provide a safe place for your teen to explore and better understand their struggles with depression. Having this additional point of view will give a better understanding so you can bridge the gaps in the communication and help your teen through their depression. Contact us today for an appointment in Berkeley or Richmond, California.
THERAPY REFLECTIONS
1. What can you do today to show your teen you are available?
2. When was the last time you spent quality time alone with just you and your teen?
3. Have you noticed any of the signs of teen depression in your teen?
4. Are there any conversations you are uncomfortable having with your teen?
5. Are there any emotions your teen exhibits that may trigger you and make it more difficult for you to be present with them?
6. What can you do more of that will show your teen you care about them and love them unconditionally?
