Navigating COVID: 5 Tips to Reduce Stress During the Pandemic

by Melody Wright, LMFT

Now that the one-year anniversary of the COVID-19 lockdown has come and gone, many of us are reflecting on the ways our lives have changed as a result of the pandemic. Some of those changes may be positive, such as spending more time on hobbies while we're at home. However, many of them may be the result of pandemic-related stress that we're still navigating, more than 365 days later. Our children's schools may not have reopened, so we may still be watching them, or we may still be adjusting to working from home.

And, with the vaccine becoming more widely available, many of us are facing renewed anxiety around COVID-19. There are dozens of questions on our minds: when will we be able to get vaccinated? When will we be able to stop wearing a mask? Will we be able to go on our summer vacation? In other words, just because there is hope on the horizon does not mean that pandemic-related stress is going to disappear overnight. We still need to develop healthy ways to cope with the aftermath of the COVID-19 pandemic.

These five essential tips will help you navigate pandemic-related stress in a proactive way. Strengthening your coping skills will not only serve you during the pandemic, but it will continue to improve your stress management in your everyday life.

1. Take a break from the news.

As critical as it is to stay informed, you should limit the amount of time you spend consuming news about the pandemic. Information about social distancing and vaccine scheduling matters, but it can also be incredibly disheartening when it is all we are hearing about. It's important to take time away from the news to engage in conversation about ordinary life: people we know, things we enjoy, and all the things we would talk about under "normal" circumstances! ("News" includes social media, too.)

2. Connect with loved ones.

Many of us have been isolated for some time due to the coronavirus pandemic, leaving us feeling down in the dumps. Maintaining strong social connections is essential to our mental health. Luckily, thanks to modern technology, we can still connect with friends and family from a safe distance. Scheduling virtual lunch or dinner dates, or simply picking up the phone to call a friend, can make a huge difference in helping you feel less lonely during the pandemic.

3. Follow your daily routine.

When working from home, or otherwise experiencing interruptions in your daily routine, it's easy to start the day off on the wrong foot. It may be tempting to wear pajamas to work all day (who would ever know?) or order takeout every day for dinner instead of cooking. However, keeping up with as much of your regular routine as possible can help you restore some sense of normalcy to your life. You can't control when the country reopens, but you can decide to get dressed in the morning as if you were going to the office or to meal plan the same way you would if the kids were going to school.

4. Incorporate light physical activity.

Exercise releases endorphins that boost our mood and relieve stress. The thought of going to the gym or for an hour-long run during a global pandemic may feel overwhelming, but exercise doesn't have to be structured. Your daily "workout" might include walking the dog, jumping on the trampoline with your kids, or even cleaning the house. Even simply standing up every 30 minutes while working from home can benefit your health. The key is to find easy activities you love to do that don't feel like work! 

5. Speak to your employer.

Lots of workers, especially healthcare workers and essential workers, are feeling the effects of pandemic-related stress in the office, and many employers have set up infrastructures to help employees cope. If working from home with kids or working long shifts in an essential workplace is becoming overwhelming, speak to your employer to see if there are wellness supports in place to help make things easier. You might even be able to move your shifts around or get more flexibility with time off to take care of the kids and other responsibilities at home, alleviating some of the stress of the pandemic.

Unveiling the Path to Clarity: Understanding the Importance of Boundaries

by Ashley Gregory, LMFT

“Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously.” --Prentis Hemphill

Boundary Beginnings

For me, the term “boundaries” did not become a part of my regular vocabulary until graduate school. This may be partially explained by the fact that I cannot recall having explicit conversations about the meaning of personal boundaries as a child. What I do remember are the places I was told I was not allowed to go, like beyond the borders of the complex where my cousins and I lived. On at least one occasion, as children do, I tested those limitations. The consequence for which left a red handprint on my backside.  

Boundaries maintain one’s sense of safety and autonomy. As such, experiences of abuse and trauma are boundary violations which often dramatically shifts one’s perception of their external and internal boundary systems. 

The Two Parts of External Boundaries

As children we learn about boundaries from our caregivers, from those around us and from our cultural context. While we may not be talked to outright about how boundaries exist in our world, we are immersed in lessons about them. Pia Mellody, author of Facing Codependency, identifies two boundary systems: external and internal. Body boundaries are an example of our external boundary system. These boundaries are our personal space bubbles and are composed of two parts--physical and sexual. External boundaries protect you and those around you, both giving you a sense of when you begin and end as well as an ability to consider the safety and needs of others (Mellody, 11). Someone with intact physical boundaries is able to understand another person’s need for space or their preferences around touch. They would also be able to communicate their own needs to others. Similarly, an example of intact sexual boundaries is an awareness of what you are and are not comfortable doing sexually as well as being able to share your needs and preferences regarding sexual contact with others. 

What are Internal Boundaries? 

The other kind of boundary system identified by Mellody are internal boundaries. Having intact internal boundaries means that “we can take responsibility for our thinking, feelings, and behavior and keep them separate from others, and stop blaming them for what we think, feel and do (Mellody, 12).” On the other hand, when internal boundaries are impaired, one person may blame another for their feelings, thoughts or behaviors, leading to shame, manipulation or even serious harm. Mellody goes on to explain that internal boundaries may be mostly intact, however, in certain situations may be damaged. Someone may, for example, be able to convey their need for choice with their partner but have trouble doing so with their caregivers. Acknowledging and honoring our internal boundaries is a commitment and on-going process. 

Power and Boundaries 

Crossing the internal boundaries of others is a deeply entrenched practice in our world which takes many forms within relationships and societal systems (think schools, workplaces, legal, etc). For example, heinous acts of violence have been justified using the LGBTQ+ “panic” defense.* This legal strategy claims that a person’s sexual identity or gender identity/expression caused another person so much distress that a reasonable response was to seriously injure or kill them. Clearly, boundaries are inextricably linked to legacies of deep power imbalances. 

Adultism* is another example of normalized boundary violations. Children and youth are systematically discriminated against because of their age. Young people are afforded less respect and consideration than people who are considered adults. Seemingly innocuous transgressions act to re-create harmful behaviors and beliefs about personal boundaries. Adults invading a young person’s space without permission, dismissing their needs or being subject to punishment without cause. Importantly, adultism intersects with racism, sexism, classism, ableism, heterosexism and cisgenderism.* In other words, a transgender young person of color faces different and compounding harms than a white cisgender youth. 

Boundary Work in Therapy

Embodying our own boundaries lends to respecting the boundaries of others. Therapy may be a place for you to work through, and find ways to let go of, regretful moments or unhelpful patterns involving the boundaries of others. This is imperative work for all of us and of particular urgency for many. Building a trusting relationship with a therapist can offer profound experiences in getting a deeper sense of your internal and external boundary systems. 

*For more information on the LGBTQ+ “panic” defense, see https://lgbtbar.org/programs/advocacy/gay-trans-panic-defense/

*For more information about adultism: https://www.youthrights.org/blog/understanding-adultism/

*Cisgenderism: “Cisgenderism refers to the cultural and systemic ideology that denies, denigrates, or pathologizes  self-identified gender identities that do not align with assigned gender at birth as well as resulting behavior, expression, and community. This ideology endorses and perpetuates the belief that cisgender identities and expression are to be valued more than transgender identities and expression and creates an inherent system of associated power and privilege. The presence of cisgenderism exists in many cultural institutions, including language and the law, and consequently enables prejudice and discrimination against the transgender community.”

(https://read.dukeupress.edu/tsq/article/1/1-2/63/92024/Cisgenderism)