The Role of Couples Therapy in Relationship Growth

By Melody Wright, LMFT

In the unique dance of relationships, there are moments of joy, laughter, and connection, but there are also times of challenge, disagreement, and even heartbreak. Navigating the ebbs and flows of a partnership requires resilience, understanding, and, sometimes, a little extra support. That's where couples therapy comes into play—a safe space where relationships are nurtured, vulnerabilities embraced, and the journey of love unfolds.

Picture this: a couple, once deeply in love, now finding themselves at a crossroads. The initial spark that brought them together is dimming, replaced by misunderstandings and a sense of disconnect. It's a scenario familiar to many, and it's essential to recognize that seeking help is not a sign of weakness but rather a courageous step toward healing and growth.

In the world we live in, couples often face challenges that can strain even the strongest bonds. Work pressures, family dynamics, and personal struggles can create a rift between partners. Couples therapy, facilitated by a trained and empathetic professional, offers a dedicated space for open communication, a fundamental building block for any successful relationship.

One of the primary benefits of couples therapy lies in its ability to provide a neutral ground for dialogue. It's easy for conversations to become emotionally charged, leading to a cycle of misunderstandings and unmet needs. A skilled therapist acts as a guide, steering conversations away from blame and towards understanding. They empower couples to express their thoughts and feelings in a way that fosters empathy and connection.

Couples therapy equips partners with effective communication tools that extend beyond the therapy session itself. Learning to listen actively, express emotions authentically, and validate each other's experiences are skills that can transform how couples navigate challenges in their day-to-day lives. It's not about erasing disagreements but rather creating a roadmap to navigate them constructively.

In the therapeutic space, couples can explore the roots of their challenges and patterns that may be contributing to their struggles. Whether it's unresolved past issues, unmet expectations, or differing communication styles, the therapist guides the couple in uncovering these underlying dynamics. This process is not about assigning blame but rather about gaining insight and fostering a deeper understanding of each other.

Empathy plays a pivotal role in the transformative journey of couples therapy. The therapist facilitates a compassionate space where both partners can share their vulnerabilities without fear of judgment. Through this process, couples often discover hidden aspects of their relationship, leading to a renewed sense of intimacy and connection. It's important to know that couples therapy isn’t only for relationships on the brink of collapse. In reality, seeking professional guidance at the early signs of distress can prevent deeper issues from taking root. Think of it as proactive care for your relationship—much like going to the doctor for a check-up for preventative healthcare. 

Final Thoughts

In conclusion, couples therapy is a powerful tool for relationships navigating the complexities of life. It shows the strength and commitment of partners willing to invest in the well-being of their connection. The therapeutic journey is not about fixing what's broken but rather about cultivating a resilient, loving partnership that can work through the complexities of life. If you’re ready to get started, we have a team of skilled therapists ready to support you and your partner. CLICK HERE to schedule your free phone consultation today. 

Additional Resources

**If you’re interested in expanding your knowledge on relationship growth, check out these books below:

1. "Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High" by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler

2. "Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art of Persuasion" by George J. Thompson and Jerry B. Jenkins

3. "Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life" by Marshall B. Rosenberg

4. "The Art of Communicating" by Thich Nhat Hanh

5. ”How to Listen with Intention: The Foundation of True Connection, Communication, and Relationships” by Patrick King 

6. “4 Essential Keys to Effective Communication in Love, Life, Work--Anywhere!: Including the "12-Day Communication Challenge!" by Bento C. Leal III

7. "Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love" by Sue Johnson

8. "Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find – and Keep – Love" by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller

9. "The Dance of Connection: How to Talk to Someone When You're Mad, Hurt, Scared, Frustrated, Insulted, Betrayed, or Desperate" by Harriet Lerner

10. "Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone" by Mark Goulston

Am I Dating A Narcissist? Here's How To Tell

by Melody Wright, LMFT

First, we want to acknowledge how challenging it is to be in a relationship with someone who is a narcissist or who has narcissistic behaviors. While this blog is not meant to minimize the impact of unhealthy behaviors on your relationship, we also want to be aware of mislabeling and pathologizing someone’s behaviors.  This blog is meant to provide reflection and tools to identify narcissistic behaviors of relating to others, as well as things to consider if you think you are dating a narcissist.

Relationships are hard -- but relationships with a narcissist can feel borderline impossible. If your partner struggles with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), they may have an inflated sense of self-importance and a need for attention that becomes overwhelming in your relationship.

Someone who has been diagnosed with NPD may have little regard for other people's feelings, making them challenging partners to be in a relationship with. When you're dating a narcissist, you may suffer from emotional abuse, manipulation and a lack of long-term commitment. 

Does this remind you of your romantic relationship? Here's how to tell if you might be dating a narcissist -- and what to do about it if you are dating one.

Signs of Narcissistic Personality Disorder

So, think you might be dating a narcissist? If you suspect your partner may have NPD, you may recognize some of the following characteristics in their behavior:

• They are condescending and believe they are better than others

• They engage in excessive attempts to seek attention and admiration from others

• Their self-esteem may be overly dependent on others and/or fluctuate with their mood

• They may set unrealistically high goals based on an inflated sense of their own performance, or hold themselves to low standards due to a sense of entitlement

• They are excessively attuned to others' reactions when it comes to themselves, but they have an impaired ability to empathize with other people

• Their relationships are largely superficial and serve to boost their self-esteem

If your partner has NPD, these traits will likely manifest themselves in your relationship. For example, a narcissistic partner might be overly critical of you, fail to value you or seek excessive attention from you in your relationship. 

What to Do If You're Dating a Narcissist

Dating a narcissist can take a toll on your self-esteem. Your partner may engage in gaslighting behavior, making you feel you are crazy or forgetful; sabotage your relationship or other friendships; turn all the blame in the relationship towards you; or even deliver intense praise, followed by verbal abuse. All of these experiences can make you begin to doubt your own reality and start to wonder if the problem is you, rather than your partner. 

So, what should you do if you suspect your partner suffers from NPD? Because NPD can take such a difficult toll on your self-esteem, it's important that you consider if this is the type of relationship you want to be in, since staying in any relationship is a choice you need to make for yourself. There are two ways you can do this: encouraging your narcissistic partner to seek help for their NPD or leaving the relationship altogether.

Encouraging Your Partner to Seek Help

It's important not to stay in a relationship with a narcissist because you feel obligated to "fix" them. However, if you decide to stay in the relationship, you should make it clear to your partner that you will not tolerate their narcissistic behaviors and that they should seek help for their NPD.

Treatment for NPD typically consists of long-term, intensive therapy that will allow your partner to come to grips with how their disorder has impacted their life and prevented them from reaching their full potential. 

You may also consider couples' therapy in addition to individual therapy for your partner's NPD since their personality disorder affects you as well as them. Involving loved ones like you in the healing process will help your partner see how their NPD has negatively affected others in their life and understand the true ramifications of their behavior.

Leaving a Narcissistic Relationship

Leaving a narcissist can feel difficult, especially since they are often charming and will shower you with praise to make up for their negative behaviors. Still, for many people, leaving a toxic, narcissistic relationship is the best option.

When leaving a narcissist, it may be best to avoid contacting your ex following the relationship. That person may try to guilt you into taking the blame for the breakup or tell you what you want to hear so you will get back together for them. Taking space from that person will allow you to repair your self-esteem and get back in touch with what you really want in a relationship. 

You may miss your narcissistic partner at first -- and that is completely normal. Even if your partner was emotionally and verbally abusive, you may have formed a deep attachment to them in the trauma of your relationship that can make it more difficult to leave them behind. Seeking help from a qualified therapist who can support you during the healing process may make it easier to recover from the fallout of the relationship.

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Couples Therapy: The Modern Rules for Lasting Relationship Transformation

By Melody Wright, LMFT

Relationships are important and require care, quality time, and secure attachment to be healthy ones. The choices we make and the responses we give one another set the tone in our relationships. Sometimes the increasing demands of daily living tax couples, leaving little emotional overhead for the most important ones in our lives. Often when there is conflict, this contributes to adverse reactions, thoughts, and feelings.

WHO IS THE MODERN COUPLE?

Times have changed in terms of the shift in traditional relationships. Today, more women are in the workforce, and more men have shifted to stay at home roles for the children. In addition, we have more same-sex, gender non-conforming, and poly-amorous couples who are navigating relationships and the various roles of parenting, managing household chores and juggling financial responsibilities. With these shifts in our society brings less exclusivity in roles between partners and those who are or decide to become parents.

Modern couples have less defined roles that may be exciting and a refreshing way of supporting one another; this can also bring complex challenges for each partner. Aspects such as vulnerability expectations and being emotionally available to their partners may be challenging.

While women have been traditionally viewed as more emotional; increased demands from relationships, children and career choices add more pressures. This too can affect a woman’s emotional availability if she is feeling overwhelmed or unsupported.

RELATIONSHIPS NEED CARE

If your relationship does not receive the attention it needs to thrive and grow, distance, and detachment takes over. If you have old wounds, this too will be a contributing factor to the breakdown and emotional distance in your marriage or partnership. Couples may end up feeling hurt, angry, or isolated and give up.

Human beings need secure attachments and made to feel unconditionally loved in their relationships. When we feel hurt, fear can move in and reduce the attachment to whom we love. Sometimes we are so caught up in our responses and thoughts; We lose sight in how it affects the one person we love the most.

HOW HOLISTIC & SOMATIC THERAPY CAN HELP THE MODERN COUPLE

When you can identify your body’s responses to your thoughts and emotions, it becomes easier to define your triggers and how they affect you and your relationship. Things such as sweaty palms, or ‘fight or flight’ response can be some indicators. For example, yelling, crying, a burst of anger, and even leaving the room or shutting down all point to the ‘fight or flight’ responses to those who are struggling to deal with challenges in relationships. This leaves the other partner scared, confused, and hurt.

To understand your own physical and emotional reactions, you must acknowledge them and be in the moment. Somatic therapy is learning to be mindful and more present. This can provide a better insight into how you and your partner are affected by those responses.

Holistic therapy can also support you and your partner in couples counseling. Holistic therapy provides insight and ways to respond to your partner that fosters a secure attachment. This is possible when we understand our responses and feel safe to express them. With mutual understanding, couples can learn better ways of supporting one another.

With unconditional love and support, being in the moment and altering interactions will better your relationship. Couples therapy may incorporate focusing on the patterns and cycles you and your partner have that keep you stuck having the same argument repeatedly. By beginning to bring mindful awareness to your patterns as a couple, you can make shifts in your interactions for the better. In addition, couples therapy has the potential to rebuild the genuine bond you once had and possibly a stronger one.

LIFE BY DESIGN THERAPY IS READY TO SUPPORT THE MODERN COUPLE

When you come in for marriage counseling or couples therapy, we practice the somatic approach of being in the moment during sessions. While we want you to be comfortable in the session, change is vital for growth. There may be a time we will encourage you to be mindful, use expressive arts, movement, or being aware of your breathing, all while respecting your comfort.

Coming in for couples’ therapy will provide the understanding to work through these feelings. It is possible to heal and feel connected in your relationship with your partner again. Our somatic and holistic therapists at Life By Design are here to support you in couples therapy and answer any questions you have. Let us guide your relationship to a greater understanding and acceptance. Whether you need to work through minor key issues or several, Life By Design Therapy is here. You can connect with us in Berkeley and Richmond, California. Call today for a better tomorrow.

THERAPY REFLECTIONS

1. How satisfied are you in your current relationship?

2. How do you and your partner communicate hurts or disappointments?

3. How comfortable are you with being vulnerable?

4. Are there any areas in your relationship that you would like to be improved?

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interested in how your attachment style impacts your relationshiP?

Check out our attachment blog series!