by Dr. Nia
Play is often called “the language of children.” How many times have you had a feeling and struggled to put it into words? Like adults, children experience a full range of emotions but they don’t yet have the words to express them. They are still developing the skills to be able to recognize and tolerate their emotions, especially the uncomfortable ones.
Maybe you’ve heard of play therapy but aren’t really sure what it is and how your child can benefit from it. Of course you want the best for your child and want to make sure you are paying for a treatment that will support them. In addition to my work with adults, I’ve been doing play therapy with children for several years. Play therapy is a useful treatment approach due to children’s developmental level. Here are three of the most common questions I receive from parents and caregivers:
1. How is playing with my child actually therapy?
Although it looks different from traditional talk therapy with adults, play therapy with children has many of the same therapeutic benefits such as identifying and expressing feelings, problem-solving, and practicing new skills. These benefits stem from developing a trusting relationship where a child feels safe to express their unique feelings without fear of judgement. Play therapy helps children to deal with their BIG feelings. Play also gives them a level of distance so these feelings don’t feel so overwhelming.
For example, a child of divorce may be feeling distressed but it may be too threatening to talk about directly. In session, the child may use puppets or a dollhouse to play out family conflict. The therapist can observe themes and support the child with identifying the feelings in their play. The therapist might say something like “The child puppet feels scared when the parents argue. He is worried they are angry at him.” The child learns that his feelings are normal and are okay to express. In this way a child learns language to describe and organize his experiences, which reduces distress. The child also learns that he doesn't have to deal with these difficult emotions alone. The therapist can share with the parents that the child may be feeling responsible for the divorce (a common belief in children) and needs reassurance that the divorce is not his fault, the parents will never stop loving him, and they will always keep him safe.
2. What can you really learn about a child through playing?
A therapist who is trained in play therapy can learn so much! Children enjoy getting one-on-one attention from a supportive adult, where they get to be in control (with appropriate limits around safety). This develops a sense of safety and freedom to explore. As such, a therapist gains insight into a child’s perception of the world. For example, during doll play, are the adults and other kids kind and helpful? If so, a therapist might imagine this child feels worthy of love and care and sees other people as supportive. On the other hand, a child may create a scene in which bombs go off without notice (sometimes playfully scaring the therapist!). One possible interpretation is that their world feels scary and unpredictable. It’s important to note here that children often mimic what they see on TV, older siblings, and adults around them. Rather than make interpretations based on one interaction, a child therapist looks for repeated themes. Play gives the therapist a window into the child’s inner world. It can help therapists identify the child and family’s strengths as well as the areas where they may need more support.
3. How can play therapy support my child at home and at school?
By observing and interacting with a child in a safe place, the therapist gathers information about tools that can support the child to be successful in other areas of their life. This information is useful for parents/caregivers, schools, and any other meaningful relationships in the child’s life. Helping adults recognize a child’s emotional needs can help prevent the behaviors that cause frustration for everyone. For example, a therapist may notice a child has difficulty with transitions and needs a few reminders before switching to a new activity. This may help explain why the child has a tantrum at school whenever recess is over or at home when bedtime is announced.
The therapist-child relationship and how it develops can give insight about a child’s relationships with others and with themselves. Does the child have trouble taking turns? This child may need support with social skills or impulse control. Do they become really upset when they lose? A child who cheats in a game may be expressing their feeling that the odds are always against them. This can suggest some points of intervention such as strengthening the child’s self-esteem or supporting them with social communication skills. The therapist can learn about the child’s difficulties and how they are likely impacting their family relationships and their friendships with other children.
I hope this answers your questions and you feel more confident that play therapy is useful for supporting children at home, school, and in their communities.
Take care and be playful!
Further resources:
Association for Play Therapy: https://www.a4pt.org/
Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapy-types/play-therapy
Play Therapy International: http://playtherapy.org/
